just a thought...

Death to Life... the story of autumn

2009-10-30T22:17:00.000-07:00

Autumn…

Fall has always been my favorite time of year.

I wonder if everyone loves their birthday month as much as I. Do you?

October is mine. It’s always been a month of promise for me. A new year… an opportunity to put the last behind… hope for the next. That’s always been the story of my October until the last couple years.

The past two Octobers have been ones of brokeness. More in line with the natural autumn and it’s death leading into winter.

This weekend I am preparing my heart for a visit to my dad’s grave site. It’s been almost two years since his accident. His birthday is Sunday and I’m making the trip on Monday. I remember the day he was buried. The dirt that they used to fill the hole was so fresh. As fresh as the pain in my heart. Each time I go it is less noticeable that his burial was recent. As time passes and that dirt begins to look like the grass surrounding it, my heart finds new ways to cope with his absence. Unlike that plot of ground, life will never completely blend in with it’s old identity. I miss him for sure! I never understood it when others said things like this, but not a day goes by that I don’t have some thought of his life here.

The most painful part is that he doesn’t get to see the kids. I thought of him last night when the kids were all decked out in their Halloween costumes. Daniel is his name’s sake. They have the same first name, but both go by their middle. Daniel looks as much like me as I looked like my dad. Therefore, Daniel looks just like my dad. There’s so many times I look into Daniel’s little brown eyes and long for my dad to be able to do the same.

There’s other challenges to autumn these days. As the weather cools I am reminded of the other things that were going on in my life at the time of his death. There was the move from Opelika to Auburn the day after his accident, the thesis I was trying so desparately to finish for my Master’s, the birth of Daniel just 4 weeks following the accident and my fall into despair that kept me on the mat well into March and later.

The pain that accompanied that visit with hopelessness was the kind that doesn’t stop with one person. It seeped slowly out of me into the lives of those around me. I gave up fighting for my heart. When I was young, I won… that’s what I did. I was winning before that too. That was the first time I realized that I was completely helpless. I’ve always been able to fight my way out of any pit and rise victoriously. I just couldn’t do it that Winter… I just couldn’t do it.

I’m still fighting the notion that I’m incapable of victory. It’s a new idea for me. It’s a different way of living… well… it’s a different way of dying.

It’s been two years of winter. I’m tired. I’ve stopped fighting. I’m dead. Just like the Japanese Maple in our yard that shines like a flaming forest fire in the Spring and Fall, but loses every single sign of life each Winter. That’s how I’ve felt for some time.

Do I believe in a Spring. YES! I will fight for it. I will persevere until the first color of green arrives. Hopelessness is Godlessnes. It’s life between the death and resurrection. It’s releasing one’s grip on conviction. I refuse to let it go.

SPRING IS COMING!

The beauty of Spring is knowing that you were dead through Winter! Knowing that apart from the Grace of resurrection you would lie dormant until your roots withered away into oblivion. Knowing that it is not your strength that brings you back to life, but the strength of the ONE who gives life.

A high school friend of mine lost her sister this week. That is yet another comfort during Winter. We know that our experience is mirrored by everyone around us at some point in life. I look to people like Jeremy and Michelle in Alaska who lost 3 children on the same cold dark day a few years back and I know that there’s hope on the other side of Winter!

The Glory of Winter is the unalterable truth that Spring is coming!

I’m so looking forward to my visit with dad, and I’m so dreading it.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. -1 Cor. 12:9-10

2009-10-23T00:45:00.001-07:00

I'll never forget the circumstances surrounding this picture. Julie and I were on our 10th anniversary cruise a couple weeks ago. I'm not a fan of beaches and sand. When I vacation, I love to see the people and places. Julie likes to sit on a beach and "veg out." Normally this works because I'll go shoot pictures or see the town while she hangs out in the sand.

Well, a man in his right mind does not leave his lady alone on a beach in the middle of Mexican jungles. This fact led to a mass chaos on our walk down the dusty roads of the city neighboring the cruise ship port of Costa Maya.

You can only imagine the beauty of the walled port if you've been there. There's a pristine swimming pool with a bar that you can swim to. There's an amazing beach lined with coral. And if one ventures outside of the secured port, there's an awesome little town for visitors to explore. The only problem was the heat. It was scorching and my wife is not a fan of the beating sun!

We took a cab into the little city and I spotted these cabins on the way in. I should have asked the cab driver to stop for pictures, but I let him drive 3 or 4 more blocks. That meant an extremely hot and dry walk back when we exited our cute yellow air-conditioned comfort zone. Julie had her eyes on her prize... the pristine azul beaches. After a little head butting on my part, I got my picture and she got her beach!

In the meantime, we saw some little children on their way to school. We were curious and thought the uniforms looked like those from Compassion Intl. through which we sponsor a child. We followed the kids just to find out that they weren't going to school, but on their way home. Several kids entered a single house, so we assumed that was the school. Well as they say, when I assume I'll make an ASS out of U and ME. I tried to ask the lady out front if we could take a peak inside the school room (which, remember, was a private residence) and she just smiled and shook her head not understanding a word I said, but hoping to oblige the stupid white folk for the US dollars they were bringing with them. I thought she was welcoming me in, so with my schoolboy backpack on and my D-300 in hand I tried to pass her just to find another lady blocking the doorway. I asked her if I could peak into the school room and she wasn't quite so welcoming. She body blocked me as I tried to stretch my neck over her shoulder like a curious ostrich looking for some lunch. I then realized that her intense efforts at keeping me out was a signal that we had not found a schoolhouse, but were trying to force our way into a private residence past the resistance of a protective mother of who knows how many!

How humiliating! Defeated and embarrassed at how offensive we white "rich" folks must have been, we headed to the beach where we belonged in the first place!

Moral of the story... Well, I'm not sure, but we should have kept our butt where we belonged.

The Longest Lunch Break of my Life...

2009-06-10T01:13:00.000-07:00

Whew...

It's been a while since this ole' homeplace has had some action!

And here me sits, another sleepless night in the midst of yet another transition in a life full of transtions... That made little sense because my half-functional brain is half-asleep. Whew... that leaves me with about a quarter of a thinker! You're in for a doozy...

Saturday our first full business venture opens for business. It's the first time in 7 years I've done something besides church work! To be honest, it's quite a relief!

You've probably had the experience before where you get a little tired of being you. That's me! Especially when being you (or me) means that everyone treats you differently because you do church work all the time... I mean, for a living. Well, for once it's been great not being me!

You know, everyone treats me like a normal person now and it's amazing! I can actually talk like a normal person and think like a normal person. And... people listen with normal person ears! It's so good.

You ever wondered how normal the disciples were? Just curious.

So, if you're in Auburn, I'd love to see you come out to the store on Saturday (2212 Frederick Rd in Opelika) and enjoy a cup of coffee with some normal people. It'll be fun.

Book Review: "The Art of Possibility" by Rosamund and Ben Zander

2009-03-31T13:55:00.000-07:00

“The Art of Possibility” by Benjamin and Rosamund Zander

Paradigms.

They stick to us like that glue that comes with packaged toys that you pull off one finger just to find it stuck to another. The more you try to discard it, the more it seems to hang on for its life. That’s how paradigms work, they just don’t want to die or be replaced. Paradigms are necessary storage spaces for our beliefs and attitudes, but they can also blind us and take away promise and hope for something better. When I accept my paradigms as the only way of life, not only I suffer, but also those around me.

Paradigm Shifts.

They are uncomfortable, even painful at times. I hang on to my paradigms because they work for me. They are the canvas upon which I paint my life and I like their colors. I may have a clue that they are unhealthy and damaging, but I do not want to move from my comfort zone to the place of the unknown, so I just live in my paradigms. They are not necessarily world-views and they are not even Biblical. I have simply found a way to make them work for me. I get anxious when someone challenges them, but paradigm shifts can be tremendously liberating if I move from unhealthy to life-giving actions and attitudes.

Jesus.

He was the ultimate paradigm shift. He came to change minds!

The Zanders are certainly not Jesus, by any stretch of the imagination. I’m not even sure if they follow Him. However, they succeeded in shifting my personal paradigms as I read the book they authored called “The Art of Possibility”.

As I read, I was forced to think. Some of their philosophies I sifted out because they were beyond my beliefs about God and people. But most of them began the deep work of shifting the way I live out and experience my world-view and faith, especially regarding other people.

The book is built upon 12 practices. I will briefly review them here and then encourage you to dig deeper by reading the book.

1.) It’s All Invented

How we view life and opportunity is determined by our attitude toward circumstances. Therefore, every opportunity is either stifled or embraced. Therefore, we have the responsibility to “invent” our opportunities.

How to Practice “it’s all invented” (page 15)

Ask
What assumption am I making,
That I’m not aware I’m making,
That gives me what I see?

After you have an answer, Ask
What might I now invent,
That I haven’t yet invented,
That would give me other choices?

2.) Stepping Into a Universe of Possibility

Possibility is a universe we step into when we step out of the universe of the world of measurement.

“Let us suppose, now, that a universe of possibility stretches beyond the world of measurement to include all worlds: infinite, generative, and abundant. Unimpeded on a daily basis by the concern for survival, free from the generalized assumption of scarcity, a person stands in the great space of possibility in a posture of openness, with an unfettered imagination for what can be.” (page 19)

3.) Giving an A

How would people react, respond and perform if we gave them an A up front and allowed them to either live up to the A or reject our early assumption? In a world of measurement, we try to make people earn their grade, but in a world of possibility, we allow them to live into an A+.

4.) Being a Contribution

In a world of possibility… “absent are the familiar measurements of progress. Instead, life is revealed as a place to contribute and we as contributors. Not because we have done a measurable amount of good, but because that is the story we tell.” (page 56)

5.) Leading from Any Chair

Not only are we responsible to lead wherever we find ourselves, but as leaders we are responsible to give others the opportunity to contribute as “silent conductors”. A team is not simply as good as it’s leader, although that is important. A team is as good as it’s silent leaders… those who lead from wherever they find themselves in an organization.

Every leaders should ask himself when most frustrated with the performance of his team, “Who am I being that they are not shining?”

6.) Rule Number 6

Lighten up! We are only here for a short time and why should we spend it refusing to laugh at ourselves? In the midst of tight tension, one of the most powerful things you can do is laugh and make others laugh.

7.) The Way Things Are

“…be present to the way things are. Being present to the way things are is not the same as accepting things as they are in (a) resigned way. It doesn’t mean you should drown out your negative feelings or pretend you like what you really can’t stand. It doesn’t mean you should work to achieve some ‘higher plane of existence’ so you can ‘transcend negativity.’ It simply means, being present without resistance: being present to what is happening and present to your reactions, no matter how intense.” (Page 100)

Why fight with ourselves with what is? It’s OK to hurt and be confused. Rest in it. Do what you have to do to change things, but it is not helpful to live in resigned defeat.

8.) Giving Way to Passion

“If I were to wish for anything I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of what can be, for the eye, which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible. Pleasure disappoints, possibility never. And what wine is so sparkling, what so fragrant, what so intoxicating as possibility?” Soren Kierkegaard quote (page 113)

2 Steps to Giving Way to Passion:
a. Notice where you are holding back, and let go. Release those barriers of self that keep you separate and in control, and let the vital energy of passion surge through you connecting you to all beyond.
b. Participate wholly. Allow yourself to be a channel to shape the stream of passion into a new expression for the world. (page 114)

Zander encourages us to live long lines. Do not be distracted by the cares of the world that lure us from the overall purpose and passion of our lives. As a musician misses the beauty of the long lines of music by trying to perfect every note and harmony, so we miss the purpose of our lives by begin distracted by the little things that nag at us day to day.

9.) Lighting a Spark

Communicating creatively and going out of our way to get our message across is the key to the full involvement of others in our vision.

“Enrollment is the practice of this chapter. Enrolling is not about cajoling, tricking, bargaining, pressuring, or guilt-tripping someone into doing something your way. Enrollment is the art and practice of generating a spark of possibility for others to share.” (page 125)

10.) Being the Board

Emotional involvement blinds. Objectivity illuminates.

Zander encourages us to “rename yourself as the board on which the whole game is being played.” (page 141)

In other words, you are where you are and experiencing what you experience because of what you’ve done. When we use the tactic of blame we close the door to possibility. When I proclaim that situations are the way they are because someone else reacted, responded, or acted the way they did, I lose my power to “steer the situation in another direction, to learn from it, or to put us in good relationship with each other.” Do not close the door by proclaiming blame, but live in the world of possibility by taking responsibility to find a way in which things change for the good.

Develop the habit of emotionally stepping back and evaluating the game that is being played on the game board of your life… be the board.

11.) Frameworks for Possibility

Paint pictures of hope when you are casting vision. Reflect on Martin Luther King, Jr’s speech on the Mall in Washington. King had a dream and he created the framework for the possibility of a better nation. Within the boundaries of that frame he and others gave their life to create the broad strokes of a vision. Later the details were added and a beautiful painting of a nation offering dignity and hope to all men and women emerged from the canvas.

Build the frame and paint the broad strokes and allow others to be enrolled in the vision, so that together a beautiful work of art is created.

12.) Telling the WE Story

“More often than not history is a record of conflict between an US and a THEM. We see this pattern expressed across a broad spectrum: nation to nation, among political parties, between labor and management, and in the most intimate realms of our lives… We have distinguished a new entity that personifies the “togetherness” of you and me and others. This entity, the WE, can be found among any two people, in any community or organization, and it can be thought of, in poetic terms, as a melody running through the people of the earth… The WE appears when, for the moment, we set aside the story of fear, competition, and struggle, and tell its story.”

In what areas of your life… in what social or organizational context… in which relationships are you telling the WE story?

I hope I’ve given you enough to chew on, but not to much to satisfy your appetite. Read the book! Maybe your paradigm, like mine, will be challenged and tweaked to produce a better you and a better them (or should I say a better us) for those people with which you do life together!

Click Here to Buy "The Art of Possibility" and Support HEART alive Collaborative Blog!

"Daddy, May I Have Another Corn on the Log?" and other thoughts about Words

2009-03-31T13:50:00.001-07:00

Dinner time is a blast in a family of five with three kids 6 and under!

I wouldn't trade it for anything because it's the only time during the day that we are all captivated with one another. Any other time one kid would be here, the other there. The baby may be playing in the toilet, while our oldest reading a book. But at dinner time there is none of that. We are just sitting around a rectangular table looking at one another with no other option than to interact.

And on this particular evening, Grace wanted another "corn on the log."

I know what you are thinking... and yes... she did mean corn on the cob. And yes, we did laugh out loud for quite some time.

How many times has it happened to you. You knew what you wanted to say, but it just came out wrong. How many tears has your wife, or mother, or significant other shed because you said something stupid? Or worse yet, how many times have you said something you really meant, but in your right mind and apart from anger wouldn't have said it to save your life if you knew how bad it would hurt.

Words are some of the most powerful tools in our tool belt to either wound or heal. Yeah, I've heard that about a thousand times too, but how much does it really penetrate our hearts? Have you crossed the divide of refusing to use words that hurt or manipulate and choosing to be a verbal healer? I'm not sure if I have. But, this is what I think may be true: if our hearts were pure and our attitudes were healed, we would not have to cross any divide. We could say exactly what was in our heart and words of healing would come pouring out like the blood and water that flowed from the side of Jesus as he died for us. Just prior to this, some of his last words were "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is the most popular play in the defensive play book of the most wounded and hard-hearted people. Words are meant to heal or hurt. They were uniquely designed by God to transfer what is happening in our hearts and minds to the outside world. It's the only way that the secret place of my inner person can break free into the public place of the outside world.

How closely do your outer words reflect the thoughts and attitudes of your heart? Would you be ashamed to actually speak what you feel? It's an issue of integrity... one of purity. Our words expose us and exposure leads to transformation. A hidden sin has no motivation to become virtue unless it is exposed.

So, I urge you to say what you mean. BUT before you do, to live with a pure heart! Imagine the lack of tension in our relationships if we could actually expose all our attitudes and thoughts simply because we weren't ashamed of them. What if our hearts were healed and our love for people so pure that we didn't have to worry about filtering our words! What freedom! What abundance of life!

Now, go eat a corn on the log and take time to reflect on the thoughts and attitudes of your heart. Then go tell someone how you feel.

I might have to eat two.

Proverbs 28:18: Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

"Have You Got Your Courage Back Yet?" she says

2009-03-17T13:53:00.000-07:00

Discouragement!

Dis... Courage... ment.

Last week I was experiencing it.

I think it is one of our enemy's favorite tools.

I never understood why discouragement is such a debilitating emotion. I often feel paralyzed when I am discouraged. I never understand why it's always so hard to shift weight from the butt to the feet and thrust pressure downward to rise up off the couch in the midst of discouragement. It just seems almost impossible.

Last week my upper body weighed about 400 pounds in the middle of a bout with the circumstances of life. My wife took off for a walk with the kids. I sat unable... or unwilling, I'm not sure which... to rise and dive back into the rest of my day.

When I found the will to do so, I headed out the front door and into my transporter to be thrust off into another galaxy with unknown obstacles and dangerous objects thrusting toward my heart at the speed of light. I saw Julie walking back toward the house and throttled in her direction to say goodbye. I rolled

down my window and she said...

"Have you got your courage back yet?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked. "If you're dis

-couraged, you just need to get your courage back." she smiled.

It was one of those dangerous objects I was mentioning earlier, but it only had power over my heart to waken it back into the reality that "He that is in us is greater than he that is in the world." It was a laser beam pointed to the head of the enemy instead of the heart of this wounded warrior.

For the first time in my life I realized that the emotion that paralyzes me into uselessness has at it's root a lack of courage to rise up against the battle that rages against the Kingdom.

Since that day, I've found myself discouraged a few times. The first thought passing through my mind is the voice of my precious wife saying, "Have you got your courage back yet?"

“In spite of everything I shall rise again: I will take up my pencil, which I have forsaken in my great discouragement, and I will go on with my drawing” -Vincent Van Gogh

"No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. "Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. Be strong and very courageous."

-God to Joshua when he was tagged as the leader of a nation of rebels and felt incapable of the task of leading them into the promises of God (Joshua 1:5-7)

Dude... It's Just the Doorbell

2009-03-08T13:48:00.000-07:00

Our baby boy is afraid of the doorbell...

...along with anything else that is loud enough to hear one room away.

Today I was walking in the front door with my two boys when we returned from the gym. Daniel, the baby, was already in. Gabe, 3 years old, was still making his way in from the car. Gabe stopped to ring the doorbell a couple times and Daniel screamed as if his big toenail was being ripped off. Did he fall and hurt himself? Does he have some kind of internal bleeding? No. He was afraid of the doorbell. The Doorbell.

I've been gripped with fear the past two weeks. We are living in a season of fear and insecurity as a nation, but this fear is much closer to home... like...in it. My wife and I are in our 10th year of marriage and it has been the most difficult to date. We are in a rocky stage in the ministry that I lead. And, as most of the rest of the nation, our family's financial foundation is cracked.

I want to fear. I feel like I should worry. But, every time I take it to God, He just returns peace. Don't get me wrong, my face has broken out (as a 35 year old man!) and my teeth hurt from grinding together at night. But, I just have this calmness deep inside.

The obstacles that feel insurmountable day-to-day are simply "doorbells" to Him. We feel defeated by the terrifying bells ringing in our ears. However, God wants to use the ringing as a tool to teach us how to trust! He wants them to be like sound bytes that remind us that He is at the door... knocking... waiting... like the delivery man bearing the package we've been anticipating for so long.

I looked at Daniel and said, "Dude, it's just the doorbell." Then the echoing of God arose from deep within and said to me, "Dude, it's just the doorbell! Chill out."

I'm going to go open the door. When I look out I will see our scattered patches of daffodils that have opened their sleepy eyes this week excited about turning the corner to find the promise of Spring. And I will remember Who clothes them and Who covers them with vivid shades of yellow. I will remember that if he cares so much for the flowers of the field, how much more must He care for me. I think I will then go step into the beautiful garment of Grace prepared especially for me and remember that I haven't purchased it, but it was freely given, even in my state of unworthiness. Then maybe I'll lay down and rest. When I awake, I will know Him more and fear things less. Yeah, that's what I'll do.

Maybe you should go answer your door.

Just a thought...

13 Snowmen... 4 Miles... 1 Baffled Man

2009-03-02T13:52:00.000-08:00

Yesterday it snowed... a lot

On a short trip (4 miles) to take my girl to school this morning, we counted 13 snowmen.

13 Snowmen...

I've lived here for 5 1/2 years and it was our second snow.

People go crazy! 1 snowman every 0.3077 miles.

For some time I lived in Colorado. 10 months out of our first year it snowed. 0 snowmen as far as I can remember.

When and why do we lose our sense of wonder over new experiences?

Newlyweds get bored together for the first time...
The miraculous newborn becomes an occasional source of irritation...
A new career feels like the old routine...
Knowing Jesus loses its luster...
Mountains become Molehills...
Art becomes technique...

We are a people infatuated by "New and Improved", just walk your local grocery aisles and you'll see it.

I want to see the glory of "old" and the beauty of "same" that was created by a God with both (Rev. 1:8).

In our culture, the greater miracles are 50 year marriages and 60 minutes with God.

How do you (I really mean you, it's not rhetorical) maintain personal wonder in sameness? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Yesterday I built a snowman.

Choosing to Chase the Dream

2009-02-23T07:29:00.000-08:00

The anticipation of the free-fall was more than I could bear.

I never was a huge fan of roller coasters. As a child I was deathly afraid. My friends would stand in line for hours, strap in for two and a half minutes, then chase each other to the end of the line wobbling back and forth like a candidate for an early morning DUI and then wait again. My first experience on a roller coaster was not of my own free will. I was tricked! It was an indoor roller coaster at Dollywood and I had no idea that near the end of the ride the bottom would drop out and we would be thrust into a death defying descent into a bottomless pit (so it seemed). You know what I did, I unstrapped myself and began a mad dash chasing my friends to the end of the line just to wait again. From that point forward, anytime I heard the “rachety-rachety-rachety” of the train climbing to the sky, my stomach tied itself in knots as it awaited the pending dive into breathlessness. I hated being out of control. But the thrill of the hill was worth the fear of not knowing.

And now I am riding another roller coaster. One without wheels and track. One that is somewhat self-imposed by my decision to live life to the fullest. When we lean into our dreams, the price is steep. Maybe more steep than the hill at Dollywood. Most dreams cost far more than dollars and cents. We are charged security, stability, and peace. We trade the tangible for the elusive and control for occasional chaos. We step into an unknown destiny and a fragile future. When we chase after a new dream, the anticipation of the climb ties our stomach in knots. At some point along the journey we realize that there is no turning back and we brace ourselves for what lies just over the top of the next hill.

I watched a short sketch at church yesterday about Martin Luther King, Jr. As he was awakened from a doze, two characters were conversing with him. One was trying to convince that a black man should not try to attend college, while the other was giving him glimpses of the future that would await him if he took the road less travelled. The latter told him stories of a man who would face jail time, the bombing of his home and an eventual bullet in his right cheek that would take his life at the age of 39. The decision was his... would he take the path leading to security and “peace” for himself or would he dive headlong into a ride laden with free-falls that would bring the peace of a nation. Can you imagine the anticipation of waking each day to threats on your life. Can you imagine a daily stare contest into the bloody eyes of hatred. Of course, Dr. King could not have known exactly what lie ahead when he made that decision to step through the doors of higher education, but I think we can safely assume that he would have said “yes” to his destiny.

What about me? What about you? We all have a seed planted deeply in our hearts. It requires nurture and resources. Whether it will thrive is determined by our daily decision to give it room to flourish.

What will it take for you to strap in? Seriously, what would it take? Let’s talk about it. I’ll be waiting for your comments.

Love in Unexpected Places...

2009-02-18T08:21:00.000-08:00

Just thought I'd post this letter that I found last night. I cried as I read the last couple paragraphs. Hope it is helpful.

an Exerpt from the book "The Art of Possibility" by Benjamin Zander

My Dear Benjamin Zander,
You have just completed a presentation to the leadership of the North Shore–Long Island Jewish Health System. I “should” be immediately returning to my job as one of the System’s Vice Presidents (such a fancy title, no?), but not without first sitting down and briefly telling you of how your words, energy, and humour affected me this day.

I am the man who approached you and told you of my emotional “reunion” with my father through your presentation. He was Swiss-German, and throughout my adult life I have struggled to explain to myself why, in the 25 years that he was with me, he could never, even once, say to me “I love you.” Oh, we did many things as a family, and I suppose his “teachings” in the form of admonishments have always remained with me, though softened, as I had the joy of becoming a father myself to 5 beautiful children.

You told us, as you were about to play Chopin, to use the time to reflect on someone no longer in our lives. I thought about my father and again about that nagging question which I could never answer—why couldn’t he say “I love you”?

And then, as if delivered by a bolt of lightning, I recalled an incident that occurred between us at least 45 years ago. I was an asthmatic child, and on so many evenings could not run to the door (as instructed to do by our mother) to say hello to my father and give him a hug and a kiss when he came home late each evening from the hotel kitchens. I would instead remain upstairs, bedridden, gasping for every breath, waiting expectantly for Father to come upstairs and just say hello to me and maybe, just maybe, for the first time, say “Hello, Jeanot, I love you.” But those words never came.

And then, as I listened to your music, the memory came back of an evening, more than 45 years ago, when I was again sick, and Father came upstairs. But this evening was different. He sat next to me on my bed and, as I was sitting upright and struggling for the next breath, he began gently stroking my hair for a period of time that I wished would have lasted an eternity.

Today, as you played us the Chopin, tears came to my eyes. It struck me that while Father could not say these words, “I love you,” they were expressed even more poignantly in the gentle stroking of a little boy’s hair by his father’s powerful hands. I recall that as he sat with me my asthma attack subsided.
I had completely forgotten that incident. I must have buried it in my own desire to perhaps keep my father at a distance, to continuously prove either that I was unlovable, or that he was just a cold son-of-a-bitch who only knew work, work, and more work. But not so. My father showed me love in so many ways.

We keep looking so hard in life for the “specific message,” and yet we are blinded to the fact that the message is all around us, and within us all the time. We just have to stop demanding that it be on OUR terms or conditions, and instead open ourselves to the possibility that what we seek may be in front of us all the time.

Thank you,
John Imhof

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Partly Cloudy with a Chance of Hope...

2009-02-17T20:27:00.000-08:00

God doesn’t have to be good to anybody. He doesn’t owe us the breath we breathe. I figure if God has given us salvation, that’s way more than we deserve, and I won’t judge Him for not giving me something else. -Rich Mullins

I awoke grumpy on Saturday. I was worried about too much and too little.
I should worry more about how I treat my wife and kids. I should worry more about the separation and independence I feel from God.
I should worry far less about money, absence of money, success, failure, emotional ups, emotional downs, disrespectful children, etc...

I knew I was grumpy and I knew I was treating my family as if I had some control over the things about which I was grumpy. My behavior was one part a facade dancing with reality in a make believe jig attempting to hide the fact that I was powerless over circumstances. Another part, anger, because I knew I was out of control. And yet another part, ungratefulness for the ocean of goodness in which I find myself drowning, breathing my final breath of self-sufficiency as I consider that ALL that is good comes in spite of me. If we could only let that old man empty his lungs, and embrace death so that we could live into the life of dependence.

Hopeless? No... far from it.

Later that day, after a long period of holding my spiritual breath, I gasped for whatever sign of life I could find, and I breathed deeply the “pneuma”, the breath of God. The same breath that hovered over the deep in Genesis 1:2 and also that He breathed into Adam on that first “birthday”.

Oddly enough, my spiritual CPR came as a country song blared from the radio in the kitchen. Can you guess the lyrics of the chorus? I’ll tell you anyway... “Live like you were dying.” Imagine that!

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She's not just your mother... magical moments with kids

2009-02-16T13:17:00.003-08:00

Most days hold magical moments when you have 3 young children.

A few days ago our family was eating breakfast. The time came for me to switch into "rush out the door because you are late" mode, so I hugged all the kidos. Julie (the mother of my children) said, "Hey! What about me." So I took a moment to embrace my best friend. I looked at my kids and said, "this is the most special hug of all." My little boy (if you know him you'll understand) was very upset. In a mildly disrespectful tone of voice, he revealed his disagreement with the preceding acknowledgment.

I looked at him, and in a moment of often forgotten revelation said, "She's not just your mother you know..."

How easily we forget that our spouse is not only the mother of our children, but our best friend? Children get all the attention in young families. It's probably because they are so good at demanding it. I want to always remember that the greatest gift I can give my children is the healthy relationship of their mommy and daddy!

Needless to say, I was late for my appointment. You know, it was worth what Gabriel learned from this 5 minute interaction with his family.

I think my kidos are more healthy today because I forgot to hug their mommy...

Music Review: Sara Groves - "Add to the Beauty"

2009-02-13T12:41:00.000-08:00

There are four or five CDs in my car that stay loaded in my 8-disc changer. The other 3 slots stay open for new arrivals. Most of the time Sara Groves occupies two of those previous slots. My heart has been grateful since the day my wife introduced me to Groves' music a few years ago.

I have many vices, one of which lends itself to missing a lot of good art. It manifests itself as boredom with music. In reality, it is an arrogant pride that longs for others to think I am too spiritually cultured for cheap art. It's ugly... I know. There, I feel liberated already.

With that said, I will say what stirs my soul is an artful weaving of lyrical poetry and well-crafted music. Listening is mostly a cerebral experience for me. I envy those who can get lost in rhythm and harmony. Being a trained musician is surely a blessing and a curse, mostly a curse when there is little natural affinity toward harmony and rhythm.

Previous albums will introduce you to her skill and thoughtfulness, but "Add to the Beauty" will likely re-awaken your heart. The songs she compiled arise out of her passion to create and share the love of God by adding value to those you encounter daily. Every human has beauty to contribute to our shared experience here on this big blue ball of rock. "Add to the Beauty" will motivate you to discover and live into your contribution. These simple acts of love may influence one person or may leave a lasting legacy for a multitude, but their value is not measured by breadth, but by the depth of difference you make.

I have listened to this album countless times, and I still shed tears as I'm driving down the road. So if you see me balling like a baby next time you pass, don't worry, I am OK. If I could only hang onto 10 CDs, this one would most definitely make the cut.

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Book Review: Walking with God

2009-02-12T15:09:00.000-08:00

I was one who felt like I arrived to life "20 minutes late". John Eldredge talks about people like me in his original work with Brent Curtis... "The Sacred Romance". Maybe you've felt that way too. You know, like when you show up for a movie and you know there's a fair share of action and adventure, but you don't quite know exactly what the storyline is. I became a fan of Eldredge the day I first picked up that book and I've remained a fan throughout the release of "The Journey of Desire", "Wild at Heart" and others.

Now he has released his next installment... "Walking with God". A departure from his previous style of laying a foundation and building upon the principles. In his latest book, John takes a beautiful stab at raw transparency. As he opens his personal journals we learn what it means for John to walk one year with God. He holds little back as he shares with us some personal struggles and a pursuit to listen to the "still small voice" of God.

If you find spiritual warfare to be uncomfortable, you may not like this book. John shares his experience and journey through praying intentional prayers against the enemy and his forces. Some of those stories were a little much for me, but the overall content was excellent.

Since I finished this book, I have a totally new perspective on listening to and actually hearing the voice of God as He directs us in every aspect of our daily lives. I highly recommend a read through this book!

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Less like a critic and more like a father...

2009-02-03T14:01:00.000-08:00

Thirteen months is a magical age!

I'm sure you remember it well. Our thirteen month old is babbling! Ironically, in his mind it is a conversation deep as the Mariana. It has meaning and emotion and everything else that constitutes communication. The only thing lacking is the listeners comprehension!

And then there's the feeble attempt at walking. Our little boy is taking a different approach. I'm not really sure how to explain it, but he walks backwards. Not that he is moving in the wrong direction, but that he is very intentional about picking his feet up as opposed to placing them back on the floor. If you could put an accent mark on his gait, it would be on the upward ascent and not the movement downward. Maybe our child is immune to gravity, but chances are he's just experimenting and learning the hard way. As his feet thrust heavenward they also spread apart. This translates into quite a display of toddling.

There are so many things I've learned the hard way. I remember my first few years as a believer. The rhetoric of a heretic and the arrogant advice to others that was an abundant stream flowing from the fountain of ignorance. I'll look back years from now and see the same slop in this, which is an encouragement for you to continure reading! We walk a little at a time, not all at once.

Realizing my awkward spiritual gait has often led me straight to the oasis of false guilt. The stuff of champions! False guilt almost always improves our self-righteous spiritual performance. The character that I portray in this show has often won the approval of my audiences... practice makes perfect! As long as I can keep it on the stage, life is grand. There is Another, however, that sees me in the dressing room and out of costume. I mistakenly perceive Him to be my greatest critic.

What if God is less like a critic and more like a father? What if the awkwardness of my spiritual gait is to him as Daniel's is to his mommy and me? I woner what he thinks of me. I think He believes in me. I trust he hopes for me. I hope he teaches me.

Julie and i clap when Daniel walks.

Just a thought...

Vices and Loneliness... a recipe for death!

2009-02-03T09:22:00.001-08:00

My vices wrap their wretched arms around me most tightly in loneliness. And loneliness wrings the life out of my heart like a soggy towel when my vices are tamed.

This is new information for me. I have been on a pursuit to tame my vices the past 3 months. In the meantime, I am just now noticing that my heart is experiencing a larger dose of loneliness. For some time I thought those two were unrelated. Just today I realized they are soul mates.

This revelation came simply because I asked, “Why?” Why am I so lonely these days? Why is my heart drained of life? Why am I so deeply disturbed when people cannot follow through with commitment and loyalty? Why?

My heart has a gaping hole in it that I’ve filled with vices for years. These addictions range from finite to fierce. From a seemingly harmless glance at forbidden fruit to mind numbing trips into fantasy to silly hobbies that pass the time and provide an escape route from the routine of life, they’re all the same. Food is one of those vices, and when it is digested, the hunger remains, even intensifies. The other vices work the same. When they are gone, the void manifests as an empty canyon, with me standing at the bottom screaming for a way out. I stand lonely staring at the top of the hole and waiting for a savior. I cling onto false saviors.

I’ve also come to realize as of late that no pilgrim on this planet can fully know me. My wife can know most of me, apart from those locked chambers that warn of danger if they are opened. My best of friends have access to some of those pits, but can never know the intimacy of marriage partners. Furthermore, if there was a single person who could fully know “about” me, he would still not be able to experience life in the clothing of history in which I walk. I’ve never before realized that I’m alone... apart from One! One knows me fully. One knows my experience. One has been with me from before the beginning.

I want to throw myself fully into One. It’s so intimidating. It’s so dangerous. It’s so seemingly intangible.

May I fall headlong into the reckless, raging fury that we call the Love of God!

Just a thought...

Heart Alive...

2009-01-30T09:23:00.000-08:00

"We always thank God for all of you and continually mention you in our prayers. We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ." - the teacher Paul to a church in Thessalonica (1st Century)

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love..." -the teacher Paul to a church in Corinth (1st Century)

It has been almost 20 years now since I first set upon my journey of faith. The path has often been rocky and my persistence has wavered from time to time. However, the one aspect of my walk that has often determined my experience has been the state of my heart. Ancient Hebrews believed that life was literally in the blood. Throughout the Old Testament we read of strict guidelines relating to blood. Westerners today believe that the brain is the central organ of the body, however, Hebrews considered the heart to be the control center. Personhood lived in the heart.

To be clear, when I say heart, I am not simply referring to the organ that pumps blood, but the center of our personhood. The place where we experience emotion and where our deep core beliefs reside is the place of our heart. I would also refer to this place as our soul... our mind, will and emotion. In other words, it is the place where we think, make decisions and experience emotion. The health of our heart will determine whether we experience abundant life or the destruction of lifelessness.

The New Testament writer Paul seems to sum up the walk of a Christ-follower by three elements... faith, hope and love. I believe that faith, hope and love are the three greatest influences to the health of our heart. As we live in faith, hope and love we walk in LIFE.

I find that when I am experiencing the influence of death I can heal some of the wounds of my heart by nurturing one of these three. Faith is nurtured by embracing healthy beliefs and giving God room to relate to us, Hope is strengthened by choosing to live in the truth that God is in total control of my circumstances and that He loves me, while Love is nurtured by eradicating selfishness and serving others.

May you walk in life and renew that passion of your heart. If you have never known this life, may you begin a journey to find it today! It is not an easy journey, but it is a life and death matter. It is the battle we were born to fight!

Just a thought...

As I Awoke from a Slumber...

2008-12-26T09:25:00.000-08:00

As I awoke from a deep slumber this morning, the alarm radio was pointlessly spurting out soundwaves into the atmosphere in a vain attempt to awaken me from my hibernation. Who knows how long it had been sounding its alarm announcing that a new day had spawned. I know the day was aging quickly by the time I came to my senses. Another alarm has been ringing in my ears the past few days. An alarm to awaken from another slumber, one not so restful and by no means as comforting. I would have never guessed what the past few weeks would hold for the depths of my soul, indeed, there is no way I could have known. The death of my father and the birth of our third child sent me deep into another sleep. The agony of longing deeply for an awakening and the disappointment of its allusiveness. Although I have not been stirred to the fullness of complete spiritual alertness, I feel my soul stirring once again.

Ringing out from that clock radio this morning was the voice of a passionate saint preaching his heart out. Please know that I am not criticizing, only observing for the sake of the Kingdom of God. The preacher said, “Does anyone remember the way we used to have church?” While I understand his intent to awaken his sleepy faith community to a life of passion, I also have several reservations about a statement such as this.

Inherent in this statement is a belief that the good ‘ole days are gone. One of the most beautiful aspects of living in a faith community is that there are no “good ‘ole days” to hang onto. All we have to hang onto is the beautiful future that we have together as a community. Isn’t that so promising!

Second, worship isn’t better when it is done in a particular “way”. I am so thankful that God has blessed me with the opportunity to be part of several tribes (denominations) and spiritual cultures in my lifetime. I have fully come to realize that worship is not necessarily better if it is louder, softer, more emotional, more intellectual, contemporary, traditional, with hands raised or knees bent. Worship is most pure when it overflows from one’s heart. I encourage each of you to worship God from your heart in the most passionate, sincere “way” you can find.

Third, This statement begins with the premise that church is something we “have” and not church is something we are. Church was never intended to be something we have. I am so thankful to be sharing life with a whole community of people who get this. My commuty has challenged me in this area just as much as I have challenged them. Let’s go into 2008 with a fresh passion to pursue church, not as a thing we have, but as a life we live. It will be difficult to know exactly what that means and how it will look for each of us, but I am determined to do the hard work of discovery and I hope you will walk with me.

Just a thought...

Alaska Journey #7: July 28th 10:30 PM

2008-11-20T20:45:00.000-08:00

Mosquitos are TERRIBLE!

Yesterday we got up and packed for our trip back to the mouth of the Kijik River. We packed as light as possible because we have to pack back in all our food and supplies. Peter and I have been a little discouraged by the difficulty of the foot travel. We talk about that as we start up the mountain. We've decided to go up and over because the trip around was so hard.

As we started up we found a ridge that takes us through some beautiful views off the side of the mountain. At one point we stopped to rest and I began to pray for the guys coming in. God met us at that moment and made us excited again about the trip. From that point on much fo the discouragement left and the path seemed to open up to beautiful views and became much easier for a time. As we were resting once overlooking the river we saw a black bear roaming along the shore of the river. We stopped to watch him a few minutes before we continued on.

As we peaked the top we decided that route would be much too difficult for travel with packs. We decided we would go over the shoulder instead of all the way to the peak. That would put us at a much lower elevation. When we were hiking down the south side of the shoulder I got stung by a hornet. Then I heard loud buzzing sounds. I looked down and saw at least a dozen others rising from the ground. We took off running and thankfully outran them all.

When we arrived at the shore of the lake, we were both starving. We feasted on some raspberry crumble, beef stick and coffee. We also made a pack each of beef patties with mashed potatoes. Aaaah Mountain House! We had only taken in 2 meals because we expected to return quickly. That was the best meal I have ha in a long long time! I napped whilde we waited for the boat to drop the others.

At 3:00 the boat arrived and dropped the other 4. Peters dad, Mark, seemed very nervous and asked me a couple different times how things are going. I can tell he’s very anxious and nervous. He lived here for a few years and is very aware of how wild this place is.

The other Mark is in his 50s. He mentioned a few times that he has experienced running the “Iron Man” in Hawaii. Josh is his son. Josh is very quiet. At first I think he’s just shy, but it only takes me a few hours to realize that he is mostly reflective. Josh looks like his dad and they both have the build of runners.

Lastly, Dillon stepped off the boat. West Coast surfer. Always the center of attention in a crowd. Full of life and ready for more. Dillon is Mark’s son-in-law and Mark is proud of him. You can tell that Dillon has adopted Mark as his father. Mark and Dillon seem to affirm each other in their deepest places. Dillon has a large frame and a face full of red hair, which he grew specifically for this trip.

We threw our packs on and headed out for our first night in the bush. A 2-hour hike in along the edge of the Kijik river and over the rock bars to a beautiful overlook we found the first day out.

My greatest mistake of the trip so far was to introduce my occupation as a pastor. Then soon afterwards I slipped and fell into a pretty strong current. I immediately became the weakest link in their eyes. It was very obvious and it was also damaging to my pride, for which I am thankful.

Rain! We made it in time to set up camp and then the rain set in for the night. We learned that if we sat under the spruce trees not a drop of it touched us. So we built a fire and sat under spruce trees, of course. The next morning we packed up and set out for our second destination... the fish camp. It was a terrible trek over the mountain. One of the guys couldn’t make it with the pack, so Peter carried his pack and I took the GPS and went with the rest of the guys to the camp. I still have no clue how Peter carried both those packs down that big mountain.

After relaxing for a time, we finished out the day with a lot of fly-fishing! We saw our first glimpse of Salmon in the river! About 6 laying in a hole about 50 yards from camp. After some Grayling fishing, Josh, Dillon and I headed down there to try to catch one. We had no clue what we were doing.

I caught the first one and right away I knew that this would be an experience like nothing I’d ever done before! Those things are big. About 30 seconds in he spit out the hook. It was all we could do to keep Grayling off our line! We were tearing it up. Dillon caught one over 20 inches.

Dillon hooked the next salmon. He worked it for about 15 minutes and managed to get it into shallow water. I tried to figure out how to pick him up and in the process he got loose. Dillon was so gracious and we went to work again. I had a terrible rod and so I didn’t get my lure in the water again. Dillon snagged another, which eventually broke his line. He caught it again! This time we landed it, got it to the bank and carried it back to camp along with four huge Grayling, giving us 6 grayling and 1 salmon for dinner. A single red salmon is more than we needed for 6 men to eat their fill, so we saved the grayling for breakfast. Peter and Mark G. cooked the fish along with potatoes that I had carried in on our first trip and we feasted until sleep came.

the Season was here and we did not even know it...

2008-11-18T07:02:00.000-08:00

I like to play silly games with my little girl and her friend as we drive to school each morning. Yesterday we played the “see who can count the most Christmas trees” game. Can you believe it? Christmas trees are popping up around town!

Of course, as soon as downtown retail stores were behind us, not a tree was in sight. If you want to usher in the Christmas season as early as possible, take a trip to you neighborhood shopping mall! Our local mall has a sign up for all to see that Santa will be arriving on November 18th... November 18th.

I can respond to this in two ways and the choice belongs to me.

My initial response is to be angry that the god of this world would use something as pure and innocent as the birth of Christ for material gain. I could rant about how materialism is the god of our day and that Christmas is no longer about filling our hearts, but about filling our greedy flesh. I could then justify spiritual pride and judgement and complain to others and impress them that my heart is pure. I could also spend the entire season raising my voice level a notch or two so people around can hear as I proclaim an arrogant “Merry Christmas” in response to retailers “happy holidays.”

Another response to the early coming of advent in the retail centers is one of thankfulness. The birth of Christ did not happen overnight. Mary, the mother of Jesus, carried the savior of all creation in her womb for nine months. The preparation and celebration of the first Christmas season began with the proclamation of an angel 39 weeks prior to the actual birth. I should be discouraged not that the Gospel is being proclaimed, albeit for greed and materialism, but that His people do not begin much earlier.

What if the spirit of Christmas is not in whether or not others rape it for the sake of capitalism? What if the spirit of Christmas abides in the hearts of His people.

Philippians 1:18 - But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice.

The Chrismas season was here all the time and we did not even know it!

Lyrics to Behold the Lamb of God
From Andrew Peterson's Behold the Lamb of God CD

Behold, the Lamb of God
Who takes away our sin
Behold the Lamb of God
The life and light of men
Behold the Lamb of God
Who died and rose again
Behold the Lamb of God who comes
To take away our sin

Broken hearts--behold our broken hearts
Fallen far--we need you
Behold the Lamb of God

Son of God--Emmanuel
Son of Man--we need you
Behold the Lamb
The hope of man
Behold the Lamb of God

Alaska Journey #6: July 26th, 2008 9:30 PM

2008-10-25T22:56:00.000-07:00

Stopped by the Lake Clark National Park Office (July 25).

Yesterday was very difficult!

Peter and I spent most of the day sorting food and gear and waiting on our extra stuff to arrive from Anchorage. Then Nate boated us and our personal and shared gear to the north shore of the Lake to begin our trek.

We had intentions to hike to Lake Kijik, drop half the stuff and make a second trip. So we packed very heavy the first trip in so we could get all the shared gear in 2 trips. Our expectation was to do that all in the first day or at least the first 2 days.

It's a day and a half later and we haven't made it to the Lake! We started out following a slew that came off the river thinking we would wind up back at the river shortly. After one and a half hours walking we realized we were heading the wrong direction. We tried to lateral to the river and ended up waist deep crossing at a couple of beaver ponds. When we finally arrived at the river we were about 300 yards from where we started at the mouth of the Kijik river to Lake Clark!

Peter had already climbed a tree to hoist extra food/gear into a tree to keep it from animals. Two hours and a half longer and we found ourselves at a gorgeous lookoff rock over a twist in the river. It was a long trip and much of it wading the river against the current. We decide that the group would camp there the first night. It also became apparent that our initial plan to hike the ridge the other side of Kijik lake would change due to the terrain and thickness of the brush. These issues made the distance to the ridge unrealistic.

We left the rock and everything imploded on us. The terrain was steep! The brush was super thick! My whole focus shifted quickly to putting one foot in front of the other and to make it worse, we were now side-stepping the mountain. EVERY step was HARD work. My ankles began to get weak and every step made them hurt worse.

Next came Peters cramps. He was carrying about 65-70 pounds and his back and legs gave out under the side-stepping and bush-whacking. We had not drank enough and were both dehydrated.

Peter decided to cross the river, which I thought was a bad idea, so I stayed behind to watch. After stripping down to not a stitch of clothing, hoisting his pack to his shoulder and taking the first painful steps into the 40+ degree water he didn't make it. The thought was that the other side of the river held much more manageable terrain. However, the river was just too deep to cross there. About a third of the way across, the current got the best of him. With feet bouncing off the rocks on the bottom of the river, Peter made it back to shore.

We pulled out our sleeping bags, ate our only pack of Mountain House we brought, expecting to get food when we returned to the lakeshore, and set up a makeshift camp for the night. This consisted of sleeping bags on the bare ground. Peter realized that his bivy was at the lake, so he wrapped up in a tarp and struggled with moisture and condensation all night long.

The weather was beautiful and the bugs were horrific! I lost one of my crocks, which would prove to be a huge loss in the days following! I also lost my backpack cover sometime throughout the day. I was afraid of what lie ahead! I felt a little better when Peter assured me that by any standards, that was a tough day.

This morning we woke up to beautiful weather! Believe it or not, I slept pretty good last night. We packed up to head for the lake. Peter had a really sore back. We hiked an hour or so and decided we needed to recover from yesterday, so we set up camp at a beautiful camp site next to a promising fishing hole.

It was cool today. Lots of our clothes were wet. Since I lost my crocks, all I had to wear was wet boots and waders.

Today I learned to fly fish!! It was a blast. I caught 4 grayling. Since we hadn't brought along much freeze dried food, we ate a lot of fish today! I got some great pictures of a bald eagle that was perched for the night just a hundred yards from our camp.

We'll hike back out via another route in the morning and pick the other guys up around 3:00 PM. I hope we make it! We'll leave most of our gear here as this will be our 2nd nights campsite with the others. Peters back is pretty bad. I'm doing pretty good so far. Just very tired and sad to be away from family. I opened my card from Julie tonight. I miss her!

http://originaldesignoutfitters.com

Today I learned to fly fish!!

Alaska Journey #5 - July 25, 2008 7:00 AM

2008-08-25T23:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a long day. We finally settled in to bed at 1:30 AM. Over 20 hours after I awoke. For breakfast we went with Nate to the Village Inn. We had an amazing talk about releasing all control to God. Everyone shared stories of being out of control and being drawn closer to the heart of God in the process.

Peter talked about past guide trips when he and other guys almost lost their lives and how those guys were forever changed. He shared his desire to take men into dangerous places and show them the power of God.

I shared about how I came to the end of all self-reliance on November 18th last year.

And then Nate shared. For the first time in my life I learned more about Alaska than I wanted to know! That story will stay carved in my mind for the rest of my life!

(Let me make sure I'm clear that I'm sharing this story from memory and the details may not be 100% accurate)

It has been 3 years since Nate lost 3 nieces... age 7, 11, and 13. When anyone loses 3 nieces, then that obviously means that 2 parents lost 3 children. Living in bush Alaska means that your allegiance for transportation shifts from cars and SUVs to Bush Planes. They are a way of life, not a luxury. Hence, along with air transportation come plane crashes, and I learned that there are a lot of them. In comparison to the number of flights, crashes are few and far between, but a plane crash is a plane crash.

Jeremy, Michelle and their 3 girls were making a routine trip into the city, something that happens quite often and routinely. One of the many uncontrollable aspects of Alaska is the weather. It can turn on a dime. On this particular day, just minutes from home, this young family was caught in a whiteout blizard that came from nowhere, and came quickly. As Jeremy, who currently has thousands of hours in the air, tried to find a place to bring the plane down he thought he was coming out of it and found the plane skidding on its belly along the frozen lake. It seemed they would skid to a complete stop without too much harm when the ice broke and the plane plunged under icy waters about 900 feet deep.

Jeremy is a mans man and calm under these circumstances. He began to try to unbuckle himself and his girl sitting in the front. His efforts were fruitless.

In the meantime, Michelle found herself standing on the icy lake next to a giant hole in the ice without any idea how she got there.

As Jeremy plunged 30 feet uner water he grabbed for his leatherman, cut his seatbelt and shares that it felt like this giant hand grabbed him and pulled him with lightening speed to the surface. This is when he realized the life of his 3 precious little girls came to an end!

Michelle tried to pull him out of the icy waters and after a couple more breaks they found themselves saying goodbye together to 3 of their 6 children.

Michelle knew of a cabin close by. They began to walk across the frozen lake and hypothermia began to set in for Jeremy. First tunnel vision and then near collapse. Michelle steadied him and they made it to the cabin to find a fireplace ready to be lit. They warmed and rested and mourned for a couple hours and then radioed for help.

This story cut me to the bone like none I'd ever heard! With 3 kids of my own, I can't imagine the moment that Jeremy had to make the decision to cut his own belt and leave those girls behind for the sake of his 3 remaining boys.

I cried sitting at that breakfast table. We left.

We slept in one of those girls beds last night! A new baby at rest a floor above us. Noah (New hope) Jesse (God exists) is his name. Not a replacement by any means, but a symbol of a promise for sure!

I heard more stories of death due to the wildness of this place than I cared to hear yesterday!

After breakfast we were off to finish buying supplies for the trek. Nate loaned us his truck. When we returned with our fresh supplies, we helped Nate hang his new trophy bear from the season above his stairwell, packed our gear, and hopped in for a short ride to Ellis Airfield for our departure from Anchorage on an 8 seater Caravan to Port Alsworth on Lake Clark.

We arrived to find our pilot waiting on us at the gate. Peters cousin-in-law, Lyle. He recently tried to summit McKinley. A day from the summit, he was waiting for the couple ahead of him to summit when he heard screams and found both of them falling not too far away. One of them died in the fall, the other would be sustained by Park Rangers for 2 days until a helicopter could get in and would die shortly after. The summit would have to wait.

He told us there was a hole in the exhaust of the plane and we'd be delayed 45 minutes. 45 minutes later, after a Tuna sub from Subway, we found that the Caravan plane would not return to Port Alsworth that day.

Nate was going over and had 1 extra seat. I waited another hour for him while Peter hopped on another shuttle company's plane.

The next 2 hours held some of the most breathtakingly beautiful scenery I've ever laid eyes on. From a birdseye view, moose and black and brown bear abound around Cook Inlet. The bears were feasting on the recent arrival of red Salmon, while the moose grazed in the meadows and along the shorelines.

The colors were absolutely breathtaking. More shades of green than anything you could imagine. Along with the bluish moutains and glaciers and the brown tundra it was literally BREATHTAKING.

I came to know Nate as intimately as any stranger before and I saw South Alaska like few from the anywhere else ever get to see it!

After we dove down for views of several bears and moose, we spotted a giant bull moose with a rack I couldn't believe. We wanted a second look. Nate circled around and swooped down to a crows view of the massive beast before we climbed again. An hour and a half of a small plane and a camera to my face didn't settle well with my stomach! That's when I lost it! The 6 inch tuna, my snack of smoked cashews, and every ounce of arrogant pride I had left in me exited my body! I rode the remainder of the trip (30 minutes) sitting in my own vomit!

The arrival to PA was beyond anything I could have imagined! The turn in the pass that revealed majestic Lake Clark was unbelievable.

Nate talked to me about a nearby Native Village and shared the layout of PA and then our final descent to find his wife and a couple others waving at us as we touched down on the runway. I couldn't help but to think of (Jim) Elliot and (Nate) Saint in the rainforest of Ecuador!

I scrubbed vomit out of the plane while Peter and Nate fueled up for a scouting trip over our destination. Once again I found my stomach playing duck-duck-goose as we circled to find the best route and fishing spots.

Back at the house, Peter and I finished our day with a washload of vomit clothes, a meal of Moutain House lasagna, and our last night in a warm bed. I took my final hot shower this morning. Next, we hop on a boat to take the couple mile trip across Lake Clark to Kijik river and lake.

This is a picture of the place where I sat to write this entry.

Alaska Journey #4 - July 24, 2008 5:15 AM

2008-08-19T22:08:00.000-07:00

One of the great things about Alaska is that you wake up at 5 AM and you've slept late! The other great thing is that at 5 :15 it's been light for an hour and a half (at least in July). Of course, that will probably become a bad thing once we are sleepign outside. One more night in a sheltered sleep environment! I suspect that last night was the end of the worm comfy cozy bed. Today will probably hold quite the adventure, I'm sure!

I am scared to death that I will not sleep for the next 10 days.

"I lay down and sleep, yet I woke up in safety, for the Lord was watching over me... I am not afraid of 10,000 enemies who surround me on every side." Psalm 3:5-6

"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, oh Lord, will keep me safe." Psalm 4:8

"When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers - the moon and the stars you set in place - what are mere mortals that you should think about them? Human beings that you should think about them? Psalm 8:3-4

"You can go to bed without fear. You will lie down and sleep soundly. You need not be afraid of sudden disaster or destruction that comes to the wicked, for the Lord is your security." Proverbs 3:24-25

Alaska Journey #3 - June 23, 2008 11:49 PM

2008-08-10T22:00:00.000-07:00

Nate Davis... that's the name of the man housing us tonight. Also the name of the man who will flyl us over Lake Kijik and the mountains we will be trekking toscout out what they look like. Nate is the superintendent of a local Christian school. Grace Christian is the church and they are looking for a senior pastor. Don't worry Julie, I wouldn't...

Nate's house is very simple with tons of beds and bathrooms for his never-ending flow of visitors (including us). Alaskan hospitality can be matched by noone... and we really pride ourselves for that in the south, so that's a big deal.

It's 3 AM back home, 12 AM here. We'll be out about 8 in the morning to shop for supplies and then to Port Alsworth at 2 PM.

Peter mentioned off-handedly that we did not know the condition of the mountain and Nate offered to fly us over without a flinch.

Just today Nate got back a big Brown bear pelt he killed this year. I learned that they measure the bear by averagin tow to tail and paw to paw. The pelt was beautiful! I never knew their fur could be so soft and fluffy!

It's raining, cold and I'm exhausted! I really hope it's not raining our first day out. This is definitely more than I bargained for. I am one of the most blessed people on the planet!

I miss my family!

Alaska Journey #2 - July 23, 2008 8:15 PM

2008-08-09T21:21:00.000-07:00

Landed in Anchorage 30 Minutes ago. I was so thankful my luggage arrived since I changed airlines in Minneapolis.

Starving!! Would love to have good food, but all that's this side of security is a cheap pizza place (bar). I'll take it. Peter should arrive in 2 hours. It's very cloudy. No rain yet. The mountain view from the airport is beautiful, but the weather is gloomy. I am so thankful to be here!

Met a cool lady on the plane and had just a little spiritual talk. She's not a believer. I got her contact info and look forward to communicating with her about her website and ours. She was very interested in CONVERGE. She siad, "Maybe you could start a religion in Alaska taking people hiking." :)

Alaska Journey #1 - July 23rd, 2008 4 PM

2008-08-09T20:58:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I am on a plane and my next stop is Anchorage! I haven't been to Alaska since Julie and I spent June of 2000 there. 2007 was almost more than I could deal with. Now I'm unplugging form it all for 12 days. The hardest to deal with is that it is because of the climax of the weight of last year that I am even able to do this.

I really have no clue how all that works together, but I grasp more than ever before... actually I grasp for the first time... how "all things work together". I am revisiting my perspective of God's hand in all our circumstances. I have no clue just how involved He is in our lives. Sometimes I think He has designed an overarching blueprint of rewards and consequences and sometimes it seems His hand is in almost every circumstance.

Maybe it is both...

The following days are going to be very challenging. God began weeks (maybe months) ago penetrating my heart for this. I am completely drained and running on empty. I need some fuel. I need restoration in vision. I need deliverance from me. I need the Holy Spirit.

"God blesses (gives the gift of joy) those who are poor and realize their need for Him. For theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven. God blesses those who mourn. For they will be comforted. God blesses those who are humble. For they will inherit the Earth. God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice. For they will be satisfied. God blesses those who are merciful. For they will be shown mercy. God blesses those whose hearts are pure. For they will see God. God blesses those who work for peace. For they will be called children of God. God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right. For the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs." (Matt 5:3-10 NLT)

Alaska Journal Online

2008-08-08T20:53:00.000-07:00

Over the next few days I will be transcribing my journal from my journey into solitude in the Alaska wilderness. Some items will be obviously edited or removed.

I traveled with Original Design Outfitters (originaldesignoutfitters.com) to the Lake Clark area near Port Alsworth Alaska. Here's the story...

True to Form...

2007-09-03T22:20:00.000-07:00

"...only the labor of God's appointment is truly commendable."
- Watchman Nee

I know, I know, I've already blogged on this quote, well there's more where that came from. So, as for my unplanned, appointed week away, it has turned out to be service just the same, although I'm not complaining. In case I was unclear earlier, the reason we were assigned to travel to Michigan was to visit Julie's grandfather for what would probably be the last time before he makes his trek toward eternity. On our way to Michigan we received a call from Julie's family that her grandfather had been placed in the hospital. Julie was able to visit with him the morning after we arrived. Then as we were out sightseeing Sunday afternoon (after, by the way, a refreshing morning with Rob Bell and the Mars Hill Community) we received another call and found out that he had a massive heart attack and was unresponsive. As I write this it is about 33 hours later and he is still in a comatose state. The nature of our visit changed quickly.

I am sitting in the hospital waiting room right now after 5 hours of the same earlier today. In between I did get my nap under the "big tree" and then I set out to do 2.5 hours of yard work that has not been done due to "grandpas" sickness. I sat with the doctor this afternoon as he laid out the scenario and options for the family. I will be here by myself for the remainder of the night and then we'll be off in the morning for a stop by the MCUSA national offices, a visit with Bert Jones of Go Intl. in Wilmore, KY where we will spend the night and then back just in time Wednesday afternoon for our directional meeting with CONVERGE.

Although it wasn't quite the nice friendly visit I was expecting, I was thankful to have read this excerpt from "The Spiritual Man" on the way up on Friday. It puts scenarios in perspective when you view them as assignments and not interruptions. Julie is super thankful that God gave us the opportunity to be here to support the family. I am thankful that God chooses to use us as His hands and feet even when we have other plans. Oh, and on top of it all, I still got to visit Rob, take my nap, spend tons of quality time with my kidos, and get in some great reading.

And, if you want to laugh at me a little, take note that as I'm sitting here writing this blog, there is a man circling the hallway, passing by about every 2 minutes. I promise you every time he passes he looks straight at me and passes gas in multiple forms. That would make feel a little uncomfortable, except for the fact that I can hear him doing the same with other people all the way around the building. What a life I lead!

What is your assignment today?

Oh wait... here he comes again... yep, true to form.

Just a thought...

The idolatry of "doing"...

2007-09-01T09:30:00.000-07:00

The soulish are second to none in the matter of works. They are most active, zealous and willing. But they do not labor because they have received God’s order, they labor instead because they have zeal and capacity so to do. They believe doing God’s work is good enough, unaware that only the labor of God’s appointment is truly commendable.
- Watchman Nee (The Spiritual Man, Vol. 1)

And so goes my struggles! The idolatry of “doing”.

Julie is driving and we’re being transported from hospitality to productivity (south to north) in a hunk of metal on wheels propelled by liquid that is extracted from below the surface of the Earth and injected into a plethora of parts designed to interdependently function as a vehicle to speed up time and allow us to pack more stuff into a life that is too short anyway. If you add up all the time that has been spent on building highways, designing engines, molding parts, and making money to fund all of this, has humanity really saved any time?

The idolatry of doing more is an ugly monster indeed.

This issue is especially sensitive to me this year as we are taking a new direction in life: selling our house and buying another, almost completely rebuilding our relational community, having a new baby and finishing a master’s degree. I have felt a little bit like the very vehicle in which I sit, being used up to get from one place to another. Poured out to speed up time and reach a goal. That was the life of Christ, you know. His was one of tremendous stress and activity. That’s why so many times in scripture He would intentionally separate Himself. He was somehow able to live in the truth that it didn’t matter if His disciples thought he was lazy or if the religious tribes felt that He was neglecting the idol of a “do more” spirituality. He simply knew that, for whatever reason, His Father built into the DNA of creation a shabot (Sabbath).

Sabbath does not mean we do less. I don’t think anyone reading this could honestly say that they are more productive than Christ, in His brief three year career of serving the Kingdom of God. No, indeed, it does not mean doing less. Instead it means doing less of the wrong things, which inherently means doing more of the right things. The greatest challenge is knowing the difference. Whether I’m praying and studying scripture or watching “WEST WING” and eating chips, I’m doing the same number of things. It is up to me to do the “right” things. God wants me to be a productive member of the Kingdom of God or else I would have passed into the afterlife long ago. So what is it that He wants me to do… today? The scriptures say it like this, “we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which He prepared in advance for us to do.”

So off we blast in our hunk of metal to visit family that we may never see again and do a few fun things that will look like laziness to an idolatrous member of the religious tribe of which I subscribe. And all this in the middle of a year in which Julie and I strategically decided against vacationing (the first of these in at least 5 years by the way). We chose to ride the rocket of the “busy” god, but someone had a different plan. A week to get away and not have to worry about the pursuit of education or ministry or bills or house sales and purchases. An assigned break from the “work of God”… imagine that.

I think I’ll just enjoy it.

So, today I’m going to go peer in on the lives of a few Amish pilgrims, Sunday I’m going to go visit one of my favorite communicators and in beween I think I’ll take a nap under the willow tree and eat raspberries from my kids great-grandparents’ garden. If that’s ok with you (there I go again)…

An assigned vacation indeed.

“only the labor of God’s appointment is truly commendable.”

Just a thought…

That's What I Hear...

2007-08-17T14:13:00.001-07:00

I'm sitting in the Tampa airport waiting for my flight home from my week at Southeastern. I had to fly this time because Tuesday we buried my 93 year old great aunt. What a life! She was born the year WWI began. Imagine that! She remembered more than most people have lived through. She was 15 years old at the stock market crash of the Great Depression. Although she made no significant nation changing contribution and her name will probably not find a home in any historical recording, She loved people just about as much as any human being I've ever known. And that makes her life significant. She was amazing at remembering dates, but mostly dates that related to births and deaths in her family. I think that was because people were important enough to her to create moments of significance when they transitioned in and out of life. Oh yeah, and names... I can't count the time when she used names in conversations and I had no clue who she was talking about. Maybe it lacked integrity for me to not ask, but I almost think it was more important for her to think that I knew exactly who she was talking about. It was just that critical to her.

As I sit here still trying to mentally recover from an extremely trying couple of weeks, the spotlight of my thoughts strikes my experience this week and how it will impact our community of faith (CONVERGE). The professor for the week was Dr. Mike Rakes. Most of you have heard about him, although you will not recognize his name. For those of you who have heard the story of the day that God transformed my life in chapel at Southeastern, Mike was the person God chose to use. I've never told him that that critical turning point of me deciding to serve God for Who He is and not for what I got out of serving happened because he was obedient to follow Christ with absolute abandon. This week I was able to share that story. What struck me was that his teaching and the process I've been through in discerning God's plan for me and my involvement in community is amazingly similar.

I've never studied that much on the transfer of a mantle (empowerment to do something for God) from one to another, but if I ever have any reason to believe that it's a spiritual principle, I will certainly think that's what happened that pivotal day in Bush Chapel. The work God has done in both me and Dr. Rakes is almost too similar to be coincidental.

So, what did God have this week for CONVERGE? Clearly affirmation and strength to pursue the vision that God has put on our hearts. Dr. Rakes references Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and his absolute unwavering focus on God's call in his life. Sure, there's others we can point to, but Dr. King was committed to the point of dying for the cause for which God gave him to live.

I believe with all my heart that, just as God looked down to find Noah as his representative to carry his message to the other side of the flood, God is calling the CONVERGE community to carry His message to the other side of culture. I'm still not sure what all that means, but He is speaking too loudly to doubt this assignment.

When I spend time here each month, there is an unexplainable, yay supernatural, quality to the voice of God in my experiences, class time and prayer time. When the "white noise" of the daily grind is removed, the clarity of the voice of God is unquestionable. He is saying, "Kevin, I have called you to live in community with people who are going to make a significant difference in Auburn and Opelika. This borders of this influence will reach out much farther than you could possibly imagine. I have called you and you are mine. Follow with unwavering commitment and faith. It is critical that you know Me and those in your community of faith know Me. I am looking for people like you and the others who are willing to die for the sake of my Kingdom work in Auburn and Opelika." That's what I hear.

God, you will be done, your Kingdom come to Lee County as it is in Heaven!!

Just a thought...

From the Suitcase to the Throne...

2007-08-02T22:55:00.000-07:00

"Then the spirit of the Lord will come upon him mightily and you shall...be changed into another man." (1 Samuel 10:6)

If Saul's life would have ended as his kingship began, his story in the Bible would have taken on a very different character. It's one of the saddest stories in the entire scriptures. Most of the time we are learning what not to do when it comes to leading God's people, but what positive things can we learn from the life of Saul?

How about taking a look at the beginning of his Kingship.We are talking about a man who, like most Hebrew sons, had his mind set on following in the footsteps of his father. Kish was his dad, a Benjamite. Scripture says he was a "mighty man of valor". His son... Saul was his name and he was more handsome than any other man in Israel. It says that all other men came to his shoulders.

He was tending to his fathers livestock. As a matter of fact, some of the donkeys were lost and his father sent him to find them. He thought he was going to ask a "prophet" where they had gone, but God was really leading him on a path to receive a "word from God". The word was one he could hardly believe! "...the Lord has appointed you to be the king of his people, Israel!" We can only imagine the response that Saul had to these words. Of all the men of all the families in Israel, why him. Why one who so struggled with fear that he "hid among his luggage" when Samuel came to make his appointment public. How could one so insecure be called to such a position. He had tried so hard to live up to his good looks and stature for so long, but deep in his heart he knew the truth! He was a coward and weak willed. He knew they would reject him. And he was right. Scripture says he was "despised" and that when Samuel made the appointment public his friends "did not bring him any gifts" which was the customary way of affirming a public appointment.But then there was the other group of men. The Bible calls them "the valieant men whose hearts God had touched". Oh, they were not only willing to believe that Samuel was hearing from God about this appointment, they were willing to follow Saul to his death! They weren't just taking Samuel's word for it. Oh no, they saw the difference in Saul. Not only did they "see" the differnce, but the "recognized" the difference. They said to one another, "We know God's hand is on this man because he has been changed". Only the man who has experienced the supernatural change can recognize one who has walked the same path. When one "whose heart has been touched by the hand of God" sees an aquaintance "changed into another man" an instant familial tie springs to life.All the others saw the change too for the scripture says that the men were asking each other "What has happened to the son of Kish?" And so the man who hid among his luggage, fearful to even face a crowd of people who could reject him, became the man who could rise up in Holy anger, with the Spirit of the Lord upon him mightily, and confront those who were fearful of foreign invasion.Did the fear completely subside as Saul made his way from the safety of his luggage to the throne? Absolutely not! As a matter of fact, as the Israelites realized that their backs were against the wall when the Philistines were pursuing, many of the Israelites were "hiding themselves in caves, in thickets, in cliffs, in cellars, and in pits. Also some to them crossed the Jordan intot the land of Gad and Gilead" in other words, they retreated. But not Saul! The man that once hid in his luggage "stayed" and all the people followed him... TREMBLING! How would you like to be the kind of leader that the people would follow even when they are trembling!Isn't it a sad story that Saul so quickly turned back to trusting in himself instead of God. Let's not only start by being "changed into another man", but end that way as well!

Just a thought...

Kevin

What is IT?

2007-03-15T15:17:00.000-07:00

I have a good friend graduating from college in two months. I'll never forget that feeling of beginning a whole new phase of life as an adult. Some of you remember the agony and ecstasy of those weeks leading up to college graduation, not knowing if you were going to be in your current town or across the country. It's an intense sense of awe and wonder as you struggle with options, dreams and possibilities. My heart jumped for joy as I watched her struggle with the words to describe what God was doing in her soul. I knew that, although it was a moment of frustration laced with anticipation, it was also a significant moment in the life of a child of God! Oh, the possiblities of one who is willing to sell out completely for the sake of excellence and abandon to the work of God on planet Earth.

I want to take a moment to share some wisdom and experience concerning the rest of your days. This will prove helpful for anyone asking questions such as my friend, but will be especially relevant to those of you who have not quite settled into God's absolute best for future. God has tremendous possiblities for you, no matter where you are in a journey of faith or circumstances. He wants to give you a future, not just worth living, but worth every ounce of energy you spend developing youself into a person who experiences abundant life!

Robert Louis Stevenson said, "To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you aught to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive."

The first insight I'd like to share with you concerning the rest of you life is that you must know your ONE THING.

This can be very tricky for someone 22 years old (or in my case I was 25) just getting out of college. Experience helps direct you along your preferred future and if experience is lacking, the direction can seem fuzzy. Here is some things that might help you determine the ONE THING for which you were born to do. As you read this, remember that your blueprints look different than any other set of blueprints of any other person on the planet and throughout history. You are awe-inspiringly unique (Psalm 139:13-14).

Try not to focus on a location. Your ONE THING is often not a city or place.
Try not to focus on a specific career. In our career-oriented society we can get distracted from our one thing by the percieved urgency of beginning a pursuit.
Try not to focus on a person or people. From my experience, your ONE THING must be your ONE THING no matter with whom you may end up sharing it.
Try to focus on the thing that resides deep inside your heart and which, when tapped into, screams out, "You have got to release me because I am the thing you were born to do."

Now, I do know people who have discovered their ONE THING and it appears to be a location, a career, or a people. For example, one of my co-workers is certain that he was born to spend his entire career at one particular church. I also have a friend who was born with the capacity and passion to effectively teach children in the classroom. But still, when you dig deeper you'll find that my first friend was really born to shepherd a group of people over a long period of time. That's what he'd do if he had uneneding resources and absolutely no barriers. It just happens that this passion expresses itself in this particular church. My second friend, upon deeper investigation, loves children so much that his heart bursts at the idea of investing his entire life in their emotional health. It just happens to make its way out of him in a classroom. Don't get caught up in the details! Just work hard at this until you can define the ONE THING.

Secondly, once you know your ONE THING go to whatever lengths it takes to develop it until excellence is the only standard by which you can live.

Oftentimes, you may not have the opportunity to invest every minute of your life into actually doing your ONE THING. However, God has appointed you as responsible to invest in and grow in areas of your life that will help you to express that passion with excellence and effectiveness. I am utterly convinced as I've watched these principles play out in the lives of people over the past few years that as we invest in our passion apart from any tangilble rewards or immediate benefits, God will abundantly multiply our talents and gifts (Matthew 25:14-30). I am also sure that as we are faithful He will lead us into opportunities that would have never been available had we not invested that time and energy into growth. Here are a few practical steps you can take to invest in growth.

Read, Read, Read! Never underestimate the value of someone else's experience.
Spend as much time as possible with leaders that share your passions and gifts.
Invest in your passion wherever you can and at whatever level you can at any time you can!
While you wait and pray for opportunities, use the time wisely to grow in your passions and gifts.

Maybe you are not sure if you've been investing wisely in your ONE THING. AW Tozer gave us seven indicators of what we invest in most. Below you will see this list. Once you're sure you know what it is, honestly evaluate your investment using these indicators.

Rules for Self Discovery

1. What we want most

2. What we think about most

3. How we use our money

4. What we do with our leisure time

5. The company we enjoy

6. Who and what we admire

7. What we laugh at

A final thought concerning the rest of your life: along the journey you will have to pay a price in order to purchase the reward of a life well lived.

The late great singer/songwriter Rich Mullins said, "So go out and live real good and I promise you'll get beat up real bad. But, in a little while after you're dead, you'll be rotted away anyway. It's not gonna matter if you have a few scars. It will matter if you didn't live."

The road to fulfillment in life is not easy, as a matter of fact, it can be quite difficult. Our fulfillment is not about always doing easy things, it's about always doing the RIGHT THINGS. You may have battle scars, I know I do. You may experience some relational strife, I know I have. You may come out on the other side a little beat up, I know I am. But, if you stay faithful and follow God's work in your heart, you WILL find fulfillment and peace that may not be logical, tangible or even explainable. (Phil. 4:7 MSG) That's when you will find out that "what lies before us and what lies behind us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us" (Ralph Waldo Emerson). Stay the course!

"The place where God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." (Frederick Buechner)

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive." (Howard Thurman)

The Wrecking Ball and the Maker of One...

2007-03-13T13:39:00.001-07:00

"Piece together these little mysteries It isn't hard to see the writing on the wall. Triumph and tragedy, only God can be Both the builder and the wrecking ball ."

These words come from the lines of a song written by Andy Gullahorn for his wife Jill Phillips which was recorded on her Writing on the Wall album in 2003. The lyrics reflect on the work of God in the life of a believer. Sometimes we sit "wondering why...He builds it up And He knocks it down Just to build it up even stronger." (aren't those tremendous lines?) Anyway, I have been meditating the last couple of weeks on how God is another kind of builder and wrecking ball. Ephesians 2:14-18 says it this way:

Ephesians 2:14-18 (MSG) 14 The Messiah has made things up between us so that we're now together on this, both non-Jewish outsiders and Jewish insiders. He tore down the wall we used to keep each other at a distance. 15 He repealed the law code that had become so clogged with fine print and footnotes that it hindered more than it helped. Then he started over. Instead of continuing with two groups of people separated by centuries of animosity and suspicion, he created a new kind of human being, a fresh start for everybody. 16 Christ brought us together through his death on the Cross. The Cross got us to embrace, and that was the end of the hostility. 17 Christ came and preached peace to you outsiders and peace to us insiders. 18 He treated us as equals, and so made us equals. Through him we both share the same Spirit and have equal access to the Father. (The Message, boldface mine)

Wow! What tremendous hope for us ALL! The language used in this passage absolutely makes my heart cry out! Now, we have to remember that this passage was written in the context of the New Testament Jewish/Gentile dichotomy. We also have to keep in mind that the new dividing wall was redemption in Christ as opposed to salvation through the Mosaic Law. However, I believe this passage gives clear direction as to how the church should respond to those who do not follow Christ. I'll be covering my insights over the next few blogs. The first one is listed below.

1. The Authentic Body of Christ will be made up of many different types of people.

Our finite minds can't comprehend the variety of people we will be with in eternity. Christianity has become a sub-cutlure in Western American churches. Subcultures are made up of commonalities such as language, dress, accepted behavioral standards, similar thought processes, artistic preferences (music, literature, etc...), and other elements that have little to do (in and of themselves) with Christ's work in the life of a believer. Rob Bell from Mars Hill Church says that if you want to get a taste of Western Christian sub-culture, just enter the lobby of almost any Christian bookstore in the country. How comfortable would your unbelieving friends feel perusing the aisles of a modern Christian bookstore? (don't get me wrong, I love Christian bookstores, one of my good friends, Cynthia, works at one)

Friend, there is good news! Anyone on the face of planet Earth can come to know Jesus Christ in the same way anyone else on planet Earth can know Him! Christian sub-culture separates us from those who are not Christ-Followers in the way that the dividing wall of the court of the gentiles separated the gentiles from the Jews in the temple. (See it Here...Read about it here) This is what Jesus is referring to in verse 14b. The dividing wall mentioned here was probably a short barrier about 5 feet tall that ran around the base of the 14 steps leading up to the temple proper. This wall marked the boundary through which gentiles were not allowed to pass...even those that had converted to Judaism! This was the area in which Christ turned over the tables of the money changers (Matt. 21:12).

Paul referred to Christ as a wrecking ball! He broke down the dividing wall and made the two one. But wait, how can He be a wrecking ball and the Maker of One? As he tore down the wall, he built up the Body of Christ. He expanded His Kingdom through Grace and acceptance of those who were very different...those on the outside! Shouldn't that be the response of a community of faith in 2007. Wide open arms just waiting for those who are very different to come running for embrace (v. 26b). The image of the Father in the story of the Prodigal Son just screams in my mind. EMBRACE!

So my question is this. What have I done this week to build up the dividing wall between myself and those who are not followers of Christ? What have the people of God done in the past 2000 years to create barriers for people to come to know Christ? There are enough barriers already in place that unbelievers have to overcome (pride, self-sufficiency, trusting good works, intellectualism, etc...) without me placing more 5-foot walls in their way. What are some of those walls we've built? This topic is for another post (and even the last one where I talk about the word church). You can probably come up with your own, but I'm thinking of things such as expecting people to clean up their act before they come to Jesus. I'm pondering why I would expect someone to be just like me in order to be a solid follower of Christ. Yes, there are attitudes and behaviors that the Holy Spirit will develop in followers over time (ie...Gal. 5:22-23), but that is the work of the Holy Spirit, not the work of someone like myself who is struggling with his own flesh and trying to figure out what a personal faith walk means.

My job is to simply embrace and serve ALL people, to be nurtured by those farther along than myself and to share my experience with those who are not quite so far along. God will take care of all the other stuff.

May the peace of the Builder and the Wrecking Ball rest upon your life...

Just a Thought...

Kevin

When Church is only a Word...

2007-03-11T00:15:00.000-08:00

Some of you know that my wife and I are going full-time with a new ministry project in Auburn, Alabama. As we are beginning to talk to a lot of people who are asking us what we are going to do, it has been a difficult journey trying to get our vision across without being forced into a corner that defines our work as just another new church in town. I don't mind being just another church in town to those who understand church to be the "called out people of God who share a life of faith together and encourage one another to do the hard work of building the Kingdom that God has assigned and equipped them to do". I am happy to be known as just a new church in town to the people who can comprehend the meaning as broken people who are a little farther along in the journey of faith living their lives in such a way that others can follow in their footsteps and find healing in the mercy of Christ. However, the people who comprehend church in those terms are few and far between...so why use the phrase if it's just another word?

Actually, no word is just a word! Words lend themselves to communication. Communication is not only words. As a matter of fact, words are probably the least important element of communication. Communication is not what I say (words), but how others hear it (understanding). This includes other elements, such as body language, past experiences, assigned meaning, etc... So, I've been a little confused about how to communicate the vision to which God has assigned us. I took some time over the past couple of days to try to figure out how to do that.

The word "church", as some of you know, is translated out of the New Testament from the Greek word ekklesia. That word comes from two words...ek, meaning "out from" and kaleo meaning "called out". The literal meaning of ekklesia is "those who are called out from". Well, interestingly enough, ekklesia (church) was a secular Greek term. It most commonly referred to a gathering together of citizens in a town for the purpose of taking care of public business. It was a relatively common word in New Testament culture. Jesus only used it two times to refer to his followers. The most familiar usage by Jesus was in Matthew 16:18... 18 And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.

Now, this term had not at all been used as a religious term up to this point, so we have to understand Jesus' usage in the context of the Greek language during the life of Christ. It wasn't a magic term that Jesus pulled out of his hat to become a sacred word that could only be used by God's people. It was just simply a word! In light of this, we could assume that Jesus was saying something like this..."you are Peter, and on this rock I will gather my people together and the gates of hades will not overcome them." So Jesus used this term to refer to the gathering together of those who have been "called out from". Called out from what? Well, we're not really sure, but we have some clues. We know that Jesus had every intention to call people out of their old life and into a life of faith. However, I think maybe Jesus was talking about something else here.

Notice a very important word that comes just before the word church in this passage. The word is My (capitalized). It is almost as if Jesus is saying, this will be MY gathering of people. He was speaking to Peter who became the leader of the New Testament followers of Christ. The disciples experienced a gathering together every Sabbath (which by the way was Saturday at the time). What was Jesus talking about? I believe that he chose Peter to be the leader of a "new gathering". One that would happen outside of the current religious gatherings in the Synagogue. This "gathering" would not be one of religious people only, but one of Christ-Followers. I believe that Jesus appointed Peter to gather Christ-followers together outside the meetings of the Jewish Synagogue. Jesus was simply assigning Peter a task.

Now, to complicate matters, the word church stuck for the meetings taking place in the disciples homes. However, it eventually faded out of the Greek language. So...this word became known as a religious term only. A word that simply referred to a gathering together of a group of people began to take on a meanign of it's own.

As time passes, the meaning of words changes. For example, the word target used to be an intended goal or something a person would aim for. Now it has an additional meaning. Some of you think of Target as a department store that is giving Wal-Mart a run for it's money. We assign meaning to words and that meaning often changes over time. So, what have we assigned to the word church?

At least in the heart of the South church often means a building, 11:00-12:00 on Sunday, a network of comittees who loosely work together to make decisions that direct a group of people, and various other things that are neither good nor bad. In some instances, those who have had positive experiences in the church percieve the word as a group of people living a life of faith together. However, most people who are not followers of Christ understand the word to mean the place where the dishonest preacher works (thanks to all of the media stories over the past 30 years), the place where you have to be like everyone else to fit in, the most boring hour of the week, or any number of negative thoughts and feelings.

You may understand that with a word that has become so complicated it is very difficult to cast a vision. The word itself can be a barrier blocking spiritually dead people from getting to Jesus (more on this in my next blog).

So what does a man do? Well, I'm going to try some different words. Do I dislike the word church? Absolutely not...it's one of my favorite words in the English language because it refers to the "bride of Christ", of which I am a part. Unfortunately, communication is not what I say, it's what others "hear". So, I'm going to try "community of faith" or "spiritual community" or something like that. If you have any suggestions please let me know.

Anyway, for those of you who hear me use the word church, here's what I mean:

1. Sharing Spiritual Life with others.
2. Sharing in the work of an active God.
3. Striving to understand absolute truth.
4. Living in Community with other believers.
5. Sharing transparent and open relationships with other believers.\
6. Experiencing the creativity of the community in worship and learning.
7. Being spiritually relevant to those who don’t know Jesus
8. Having an open-arm stance toward ALL people
9. Being God’s Hands and Feet in our community, city and the world.
10. Creating an environment of hope for all who visit our assembly.

Now you know...

Oh and by the way, there's a few other meaningless absolutes that we've assigned to God's miraculous life-changing work on Earth. A few of those include...meeting on Sunday mornings only, building a life of faith together around one hour per week, living under harsh expectations for what we wear when the Body gathers together, etc... We're going to think about those things too.

What if serving God in community could just be serving God in community? What a novel concept.

Just a thought...

Kevin

Response to John MacArthur and the Emerging Church Letter

2006-12-13T11:47:00.000-08:00

A good friend dropped off a letter he received from John MacArthur from “Grace to You”. I rarely take time out to respond to things with which I disagree, but this one hit me pretty hard so I wanted to share my response. I wanted to include a link to the entire letter so you can see the context, but I was surprised to find out that I couldn’t find it on the internet. If anyone finds a link let me know and I’ll add it.

First, it is true that the emerging movement is experiencing a snowball effect in it’s growth and popularity. So much so that many are calling it the next “Reformation”. Even very trustworthy conservative leaders such as George Barna are using this language. I just finished a book entitled “Revolution” by Barna that would be a tremendous counter-point to the claims of MacArthur. Barna is, however, getting major backlash from much of the conservative evangelical community. Although, Barna's book is not specifically about the emerging movement, the revolutionaries he describes share a lot of the characteristics. The very ones who stuck with him and supported him for many years are now turning their backs on him both in financial support and public criticism. Ironically, Barna says that the reason he has changed his approach is because he worked for these guys for 30 years and did hundreds of thousands of hours of research on American culture to help the church be more effective and these guys would not change a thing about their approach to outreach. They would pay thousands of dollars to have him come in and speak so they could learn about the culture and then would do absolutely nothing to adjust the way they do church. It’s been an interesting dialogue to follow.

Now, to the letter.

Paragraph 5: “The Emerging Church movement is wildly popular with people who are dissatisfied with orthodox doctrine, dogmatic preaching, and traditional worship.”

It is possible that John was saying that the movement is just popular with these people, but in the following comments I am assuming that he is saying that these people are the leaders of the movement.
If he is simply referring to those who are attracted to this movement, then praise God they are, because obviously the traditional (20th century style) church is not moving them closer to Jesus. Let’s pray that the emerging movement will!

It is unfair to say that the emerging church as a whole is dissatisfied with Orthodox doctrine. It would be more accurate to say that the younger generation is more interested in truth and want to know the truth outside of the boundaries of just what someone is going to tell them that was told to them and told to the person who told them and so on. The emerging movement has been about knowing truth as presented in the Word of God alone. This has led to some very positive results. For example, the emerging movement is extremely focused on helping the poor, sick and needy. Jesus spoke more on these issues than any other and the emerging movement is putting it’s money where it’s mouth is in regards to resources and volunteerism. It’s easy to sit in a fancy building on Sunday mornings and teach biblical truths to a group of people who are going to leave that afternoon and talk about how good church was and then go work to make bunches of money until next Sunday so they can pay the pastor to do the same thing again. It’s a whole other thing to take the truth of the gospel out to feed the hungry and clothe the naked and dig wells for the thirsty and show compassion to the AIDS victim. The emerging movement is DOING THIS! If John means that the emerging movement is dissatisfied with dogmatic preaching for the sake of good preaching to puff up the believers so they can survive in the world until next Sunday just to do it all over again, he’s probably right. The gift of teaching and preaching is not given for the sake of preaching and teaching it is to lead people to ACTION! The emerging movement is tired of the church pumping all it’s resources back into highly paid staff keeping the big machine well oiled and amassing huge monuments to themselves through buildings and steeples and such.
And interestingly enough, the churches you’d consider most emergent are the ones that are moving back toward ancient hymns, practices and liturgy! John is definitely misinformed to say that these churches are dissatisfied with traditional worship, unless he is talking about a type of traditional worship that looks very 20th century American. If you really want to talk about traditional worship you’d talk about people meeting together in each others house, eating, singing, giving money to each other and laughing like you find in Acts 2. John could be saying that the emerging movement is dissatisfied with the selfish way we experienced worship in 20th century America.

Paragraph 6: “They reject the notion that God’s Word is clear, and that anyone can really understand its meaning. That means that every doctrine you and I find precious is subject to new interpretation, doubt, and even wholesale rejection. … Unlike the noble Bereans who used Scripture to test what they were taught and refine their understanding of truth…”

This is an amazingly contradictory set of statements. If I find doctrine more precious than Jesus and his Word, something is distinctly wrong. Doctrine is simply an understading of God’s truth through His word. That is the passion of the emerging leader, to know truth as revealed to us in God’s word and how that will play itself out in our day to day lives. What MacArthur seems to be saying is that what you learn in a seminary textbook as someone else’s perceived truth is to be adopted without question or doubt. In that case, who’s interpretation is correct? In which seminary professor do you place your “faith”? EVERY doctrine of man should be open to new interpretation. There has been no human that can perfectly without flaw know Truth in every facet. The entire thrust of the emerging leader is to ”(use) scripture to test what they were taught and refine their understanding of truth” Isn’t that exactly what John is saying the emerging church is doing in the statement IMMEDIATELY preceding. And isn’t that exactly what someone would be doing if they accepted any given doctrine of man without reservation or testing? In this single paragraph John seems to be criticizing people for doing something that he is doing himself!

Paragraph 7: “The result is a movement that thrives on disorganization, lends itself to mysticism, distrusts authority and dislikes preaching, feeds intellectual pride, and recognizes few (if any) doctrinal or moral boundaries.”

I definitely think that John needed to take some time to define what he means by the emerging church! I've not seen churches that meet these criteria. I think he may be trying to refer to a small group of people who may call themselves emerging and he is applying his opinion of these people to a much larger movement. I’m not really sure, but I can tell you that from my experience, these projections of the movement as a whole are simply twisted or not true. It is true that the emerging movement may be less structurally organized than the 20th century church, however, so was the Reformation and every other movement throughout history in it’s infancy. How organized do you think the church in the book of Acts was? Is there any Biblical precedence that the church must be structurally organized with committees and policies in order to be spiritual? It is true that there is some value placed on the mystery of God. God help us if we ever think we have it all figured out and He is no longer a mystery to us! Who can explain the work of the Holy Spirit, the act of supernatural healing, the truth that the sin I commit in 2006 was placed upon the back of a man 2000 years ago and punished long before it was ever committed? Who can explain these things about God? There is so much about Him that is a mystery to us and I hope that it remains that way until we enter into eternity with Him. It is somewhat true that there is a careful approach to authority, however, this is a direct result of the massive amount of moral failure of spiritual leaders (conservative, evangelical and others) young people have seen in our lifetime as opposed to the inherent result of the movement. It would be more accurate to say that the emerging movement dislikes “preachiness” as opposed to “preaching”. Especially knowing that many emerging worship services have 45 minutes to an hour of speaking and teaching. I’m not really sure what John is referring to in feeding intellectual pride. I hope he clears this up in his forthcoming CD interview. And finally it is simply untrue that the emerging movement recognizes few doctrinal or moral boundaries! One of the characteristics of the emerging movement and revolutionaries according to Barna is the passion for purity and integrity when it comes to spiritual matters. There are more people in this category that have a biblical worldview than there is in any other category. One of the very things that the revolutionaries are “rebelling” against is the inconsistencies we’ve seen in religious movements throughout history.

Paragraph 9: “When I first began ministry nearly four decades ago, I knew the road ahead would have adversity – assaults to the Lord, His Church, and His truth were inevitable. What I didn’t expect was that the most pernicious attacks would come from within the church itself.”

Personal note: Doesn’t this sound like something you’d read from a church leader in the 16th century during the Reformation…interesting.

I know I am speaking from a personal bias when I say this, which is what I am criticizing MacArthur for doing…forgive me. The only thing being assaulted in the emerging movement is the comfort of thinking we have this whole worship and church and God thing figured out. Many evangelicals, such as the author of this letter, must think they have it figured out and it is very threatening for them to have people questioning their life’s work. This entire letter bleeds threat. It is extremely defensive and the root of defensiveness is fear! The emerging movement longs to know TRUTH, not truth as perceived by man, but truth as it is presented in God’s Word! For years I’ve listened to evangelical preachers in America stand in the pulpit and say, “Please don’t take my Word for this, search it out on your own. Read your Bible and challenge me where you think I’m mistaken.” And yet when people actually do that it is threatening. Now we’re bringing an all out assault on “the Lord, His Church, and His truth”! It just doesn’t make sense!

Paragraph 11: “The Emerging Church’s frontal assault on the clarity of Scripture makes it the most dangerous attack I’ve seen. If the Bible isn’t clear and its meaning can’t be understood, what do Christians have left to say to anyone? No doctrine is sure enough to DECLARE; everything is subject to debate and discussion. No text offers hope and comfort. No truth can definitively correct error…”

I assume John is speaking about doctrine as the American Heritage Dictionary speaks of it…”a principle or body of principles presented for acceptance or belief, as by a religious, political, scientific, or philosophic group.” If he is referring to this use of the word, then No doctrine IS sure enough to DECLARE! This doctrine is the result of man’s understanding of an incomprehensible God. No single or set of doctrine can fully present truth without error. The Word of God is the only text capable of doing that and it does so perfectly! If John is referring to doctrine as presented in the Bible and impossible to present in a comprehensive set of statements of faith, then he is mistaken about the emerging movement. That is what it is about, discovering TRUTH, while understanding that full truth is beyond our finite minds and even at times beyond our finite definition of truth. Emerging leaders long for TRUTH to correct the errors we have lived in for years. To think that your understanding of truth is complete is the ultimate form of “intellectual pride” as John mentioned earlier. If you think that doctrine is not debated and discussed in the very repositories for doctrine, our nation’s seminaries, then try sitting through a few Bible classes in any Bible College or Seminary in America and you will hear more debate about what is truth than years of talking to seekers sitting in coffee shops and walking through shopping malls. TRUTH will ALWAYS be debated and discussed until we throw off these imperfect bodies and minds and enter into eternity with Christ. Evangelicals have always placed high values on debating and discussing doctrine and now the emergents are the bad guys for doing so.

Paragraph 12: “While not all the Emerging Church leaders and authors pursue their belief system to the same extreme the movement’s core is radical and dangerous.”

I’m not really sure who John defines as the core in a very disorganized and unstructured movement as he mentioned earlier. Again, it sounds to me that he’s picked out a small group of thinkers that he disagrees with and has projected their beliefs and teachings upon a larger movement of people. It is interesting that many of these emerging churches are part of the Southern Baptist Convention and many other evangelical and conservative denomination!

Paragraph 13: “with the movement on my mind and after an extensive study in the book of Jude on spiritual terrorism…”

Spiritual terrorism? Terrorists die to kill a belief system, not to progress it. The emerging movement is a passionate attempt to rekindle the principles of the New Testament church. Does anyone really believe that a spiritual movement can undermine the Kingdom of God and threaten the Gospel of Jesus Christ. John is “warning us” (paragraph 14) of the dangers to the Kingdom of God with this form of spiritual terrorism. Isn’t that what the denominational movement (which by the way is very young in the big scheme of things) has done for a couple centuries, divided the Kingdom and set up followers against followers? As you read this article, do you really believe the church of Jesus Christ can be defeated by a group of people who love him with their whole hearts and long to live out the gospel each day of their lives? Not even the entire multitude of Satan’s army can defeat the Kingdom! I seriously doubt a group of people longing to find God in a new way can pose much threat!

As intense as this review sounds, I am thankful for the life and work of John MacArthur. He has been a tremendous servant of Jesus Christ and I pray for continued success in his attempt to expand God’s Kingdom among those who do not have Christ living in them. Again, we may have a different definition of the Emerging Church. I hope he spends some time defining his perception in his interview.

Resources referenced:
“Revolution” by George Barna

An Interview with George Barna: http://www.catalystspace.com/content/podcast/signup.aspx You have to sign up to download the interview. Do it if you’re interested in finding out more about this movement.

After I wrote this response I found this response on a blog. Dan Kimball is one of the leading emergent pastors. I recommend you read this response!
Dan Kimball’s response to this letter: http://www.dankimball.com/vintage_faith/2006/12/saddened_by_joh.html

Here is an interesting quote from Dan’s response.

"I would have hoped that the pastor would have done his research, visited emerging churches or called and asked leaders to describe what they do, or what doctrines they hold to. I think he would have learned from D.A. Carson's over-generalization in his book on the emerging church of how he narrowly portrayed the whole emerging church according to one or two leaders instead of the whole of everyone - as so wonderfully pointed out in a recent lecture by theologian Scot McKnght. Scot actually has been to emerging churches and knows many of the leaders, so his critical analysis was really insightful of the book D.A. Carson wrote.
As Scot McKnight pointed out, "the emerging church" is not about one, two or three people. I travel a lot and I talk to a lot of people in what I would consider as missional emerging churches all across the country. There may be a very small percentage that possibly are ones this pastor would be concerned about, but the majority, not the minority, of "emerging churches" are absolutely nothing like he described. To his defense, perhaps this information was given to him by ill-informed students or others giving these descriptions of churches that don't really exist, or if they do they are the rare ones, not the norm. "

Philippians 1:15-18

Just a thought....
Kevin

The Problem of Pain

2006-10-11T09:38:00.000-07:00

Pain hurts...
That comes straight from the Dept. of Redundency Dept. (as Ken Himes would say).

Yesterday I was on my way out the door with Grace as I listened to Julie's conversation on the telephone. It sounded something like this..."I don't know why Grace would say something like that, I'm so sorry." It caught my attention so I stopped to listen. It turns out that Grace had been asking Loralai (her friend on the playground) where her daddy was. When Loralai said he was at work Grace looked her in the eye and said, "No he's not, he's dead!" You can imagine how this made Loralai feel. She began to cry as a three year old can do so well. I sat down on the stairs to have a little talk with Grace before we headed out the door. It turns out that she had gotten confused. Loralai's daddy is named Adam. We were studying about Adam in the Bible the night before and Grace asked me where Adam was. I told her that Adam wasn't alive anymore. Although I explained to her that Adam in the Bible and Loralai's Daddy Adam were not the same person, I am convinced that she got confused. After explaining that to Susan, Loralai's mom, it was time for Grace to learn a hard lesson about how we have to apologize even if we do something by accident. We were able to get Loralai on the phone so that Grace could choke out an apology over her tears and anguish which caused Loralai to begin to cry all over again. Over the next couple minutes mommy and daddy also learned a hard lesson...how much it hurts God when his children experience pain. All of this over a little confusion about of all things...a Bible story. Isn't it amazing how God's people cause each other to anguish which sets off a whole series of hurt that just becomes a cycle of rejection and broken relationships. Fortunately, I think Grace will be OK. And Loralai will probably not experience any lifelong difficulties in relation to this event.

Pain hurts...

The truth in this reduntant statement is that things that bring pain to people often bring pain to other people. I learned a hard lesson when we were living in Colorado and working in an unhealthy church environment. The lesson still penetrates my shallow understanding of how people function. It sounds something like this..."Hurting People, Hurt People". I'll never forget the morning we were sitting at Denny's in Winter Haven, FL on a trip home to see Julie's parents and those words came out of the mouth of a dear pastor friend of mine just after we had spilled out our hurts and confusion about what we were experiencing in Colorado. Hurting People, Hurt People. That single statement sparked several thoughts and emotions in my heart. It felt good in the sense that it affirmed that our pain wasn't completely our fault. In another sense, it was frustrating to offer an excuse for how a couple people in our lives were treating us and other people. I know it wasn't meant to be an excuse, only a simple explanation for why people do what they do. But it was still uncomfortable.

Over the next few weeks, as I processed this statement, I began to love the very people that drug me and Julie into a pit that maybe in some ways we dug ourselves. I began to realize that our experience was, at least partially, a product of pain that had been experienced for years by other people and that we were simply sharing in that anquish.

I also began to realize that if I allowed the pain of pain to stick with me (or even stick to me), that someday I would be sharing it with other people. I also became aware that it could be possible that I had already begun to do so. I can't say that in the midst of the damage that had been done I performed this perfect act of Grace and expressed the costly love of Christ, I think I was too damaged to do so. I can't say that I was a healing agent in the hurts and pain that those people had already experienced long before I came on the scene. But, I can say that since that day I have learned to love people through their hurt. I can say that as I am hurt by hurting people today, I have this new found knowledge that they hurt me because they hurt on the inside. I can say that those who hurt me most deserve my most noble response in return, because they are products of the effects of sin.

We can choose to break the cycle of pain for the sake of the Kingdom of God and rise up in victory over the power of the evil one to shout "Grace" to the heaping mountains of junk that has found a home in the baggage that all of us carry. We can offer love in return for hate. We can offer acceptance in return for judgement. We can speak the love of God over those who desire to expel us from the journey to fulfillment that we find in walking a life of purity and community with our fellow man.

The choice lies before us. We can respond in love or choose to return hurt for hurt. What will you do? I choose Christ.

Matt. 5:43 "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44 But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.

It's not the same Foot Cream, Stupid...

2006-05-18T23:31:00.000-07:00

I want to sue my own Mother...is that acceptable?

So, a couple months ago we were at my Mom's house and she had some foot cream lying around. I had these cracks and dried up skin on my foot so I thought I needed some foot cream. I borrowed it and she said I could have it. It's really weird that I took it because I've never imagined myself using something like foot cream, but I really needed something to fix my foot. Over the next couple weeks it worked wonderfully!

A couple weeks ago she knew she was coming to see us and she asked if we needed anything. She always asks that question and I always say "no". But, this time the foot cream which I had used up popped into my mind. "No" I answered as usual, "wait...can you get anymore of that foot cream?" "Sure" she answered with confidence. So she showed up at the house the Saturday before we left for vacation. "They didn't have any of the regular foot cream, but they had this on sale and I got you two tubes." "Cool" I answered. It was called foot crack cream. Even better, right?

So, here I am on vacation with tons of time to apply foot cream to my widening crack that is breaking more and more as I walk on sand and wade in salt. So, what do you think I do? I apply foot crack cream. It doesn't help much so I apply more. I'm using the stuff 3 or 4 times a day and my foot is getting worse and worse. I woke up Monday and could hardly walk on my foot because it had the Grand Canyon staring back at me as I investigated my heel. I was more than a little curious so I read the bottle. Foot Crack RELIEF Cream. That means that it doesn't make foot problems better, it only relieves the pain of foot problems. The active ingredients are ones that serve to dry out the skin as opposed to soften it!!! ARGGGGH! I thought my mother loved me!?!?

So...I'm thinking tonight that I try to apply stuff to my life that is supposed to fix it. I read great books that teach me how to live, manage time, plan for the future, manage a ministry, etc... All of those are well and good and serve a purpose in my life, but they don't feed my soul! As a matter of fact, they make me hungrier for nothing. The crack widens. So the moral of the foot cream is that problems must be treated with the proper medication. For our soul that medication is the creator of our soul...the LOVER of our soul.

Lord, help my foot to stop hurting.

Just a thought...

A Mixed Message is No Message at All...

2006-05-18T23:26:00.000-07:00

Leadership thought for the day... A mixed message is no message at all I think we'd all agree that leadership is driven by communication and communication is about a message. A leader's message drives and resources his/her results and is the greatest contriubutor to accomplished goals. In order for a message to be heard it must possess and exude clarity. As a matter of fact I would go as far as to say that a mixed message is no message at all. I recently observed a leader send out a mix of messages about his feelings concerning a certain circumstance in his life. Three different times the leader had a public platform to share about this situation and three different messages made their way to the ears of the hearers. By the third sharing, those who had been present at all three were unclear at best concerning the feelings and attitude of the leader. The unvarnished message was stolen by shades of gray. I am still not sure how this person really feels about the matter. Word to the wise: If the message is unclear, it is not time to go public. Be patient and let it simmer. It will save a lot of time and energy in the long run and the results will be worth it. Lead for a change...

Finish Well or Don't Start...

2006-05-18T23:21:00.000-07:00

OK, so for those of you who don't know me, I am a West Wing nut. Politics aside it is a beautiful display of teamwork, leadership and group dynamics. Not to mention the show itself is a work of art from writers, producers, directors and especially casting!! So you know that it's over now. The series finale was last night and I watched with terror in my heart. How could a show that has given so much end so poorly? Major characters did not even have appearances in the finale!?!? It should have been a two hour special with an involved storyline, instead it was one hour of nothingness that just served as a means to wrap up the series! How could something done so well close out with such a weak performance.FINISH WELL.

It's key to good leadership and inherent in great leaders. Any professional, from actor to attorney to musician to preacher will tell you that a project is most successful and makes the most penetrating impact when the first couple minutes and the last couple minutes are done well. Great leaders don't just begin well, they finish even stronger.Why? Great leaders are not worried about their own transition or wrap up as much as they are concerned about how their final performance will affect the overall organization or project. In other words, they care less about themselves and more about the well-being of the organization or project! It just makes sense. We are not leaders for leadership sake, we are leaders for people's sake!

Just a Thought...

Sleeping Late and Gaining Weight...

2006-05-15T19:40:00.000-07:00

Sleeping Late and Gaining Weight…

That’s the way to have a vacation. I’m having a blast. We haven’t hardly done anything except sleep a lot, eat a lot and play a lot. Man, I’m telling you it’s just what I needed!

To be honest, I haven’t done hardly anything I wanted to do during vacation. I’ve read a little here and there, but haven’t finished one book. It was kinda nice not having internet last week although I missed it. It forced me to not do the things I’m used to doing.

One thing I have done a lot of is cooking. My repertoire so far these weeks has been Cornish Hens baked in Cilantro, Parsley stuffed mushrooms, lots of shrimp (boiled and fried), Crab stuffed Manicotti in Alfredo Sauce and Crab stuffed Flounder. Lots of seafood!!! I love it!!!!

I’ve also done a whole lot of fishing and I’ve caught nothing but catfish. And played with my kids…more than I have in many months! They are the best in the world!!! I’m not kidding.

So what measure of insight do I have to share with you, my friends?

Beaches are beautiful, yes it is so
Sleeping is necessary (as far as I know)
Eating is joy much grander than not
But my wife and kids are the best that I’ve got.

When I’m away my soul is restored,
Restored and restored to the point it gets bored.
Life is not real, it’s a fairy tale place
No work, no phone calls, no email, no MySpace.

I will return to my world not too soon
And back to my work for our God, His Triune.
Ready to visit with all of my pals.
Alfa and Bike Trip and great guys and gals.

Oh yeah, One more thing. West Wing is over! For those of you who do not know, I am a West Wing fanatic!! Politics aside, it is an amazing display of leadership, teamwork and group dynamics. I was extremely disappointed! One of my pet peaves is finishing well. If you ever…ever…ever leave a job or anything else that your part of please…PLEASE finish well. It’s a mark of true leadership. Do you care for the organization or project or whatever you’re leaving for more than you care for yourself?? If so, you will finish well. Well, West Wing didn’t finish well and I was upset! They didn’t even feature many of their most important characters in the finale. It should have been a two hour episode with a strong story line, but it was just a wrap up session and not a very strong one at that. Seven seasons of strong writing and acting and art ended with an anti-climactic, weak hours worth of nothing. People always remember whatever you do by how it begins and how it ends. Remember that. FINISH WELL! (OK, so maybe I did have a tiny bit of wisdom today)

4 more days!

Just a Thought…

He called me friend...

2006-04-18T23:40:00.000-07:00

He called me friend...

The resonance of Voice gave birth to Life,
His ancient hands, yet ever new, were stained by clay,
shapes emerged, functional works of art.
A foot, then leg, hand and ear.
Never before seen, eternally imagined.
From here forward...forever.
Shapes unite to emerge a temple, one so fragile, strong as flesh.

Law, the Rule for man, he spoke,
One so true. Darkness dies.
But wait, alive again, it fights.
Revived by law itself, awake.
The temple shakes, it trembles, falls.
Alive, then dead, absence rules.
Longing waits, it envies Life, relief is gone.

Voice, in sorrow, can't be heard.
The voice...a temple becomes his robe.
Darkness fights again for life.
Darkness finds it's death in Him.
Life can't flee, for He is Life.
The voice sounds dim upon the tree.
Life seems dead, it can't be true.

Then the voice explodes in Word.
the final Word, the Rule fulfilled.
Life found death, now death meets Life.
Never again to win the fight.
The Word of Life, the final Word.
Alive again, for temples sake.

Temple watches and heeds the call.
Word brings breath to temple walls.
Breath brings Life again, again...
Temple light, shining bright,
clothed in Word, clearly seen.

He called me Friend...

John 15:8-17

The Two Towers...

2006-02-19T00:29:00.000-08:00

Ok, Back to the Tower of Babel. If you don't know the story it's about men that lived after the great flood who gathered together to build this giant tower in Babel so that they could impress the world and make a name for themselves.

So if you remember the last post it seems that my perception of why God divided the people working on the Tower of Babel (I thought it was because they were trying to build it into Heaven) and the real reason God divided the people did not line up, which led me to a crises of belief. This trip through Genesis opened up for me the fact that the real reason was because men were building a structure that would give THEM glory and power on Earth ("let us make a name for ourselves" 11:4).

A line in this passage popped out at me for the first time...Genesis Chapter 11 verse 6 says "now nothing they propose to do will be witheld from them". Now, God did not say that He was not going to withold it from them, obviously He did so by dividing them into different language. But He said that without divine intervention this project would succeed!

This speaks volumes to my heart. It tells me that the potential for human accomplishment is huge! The will to accomplish goals, to create, to build, to have a massive vision is within reach of who we are as humans. Have you ever asked God to give you a vision for your future? Have you ever thought about how faith in a Creator relates to what you have the ability to accomplish in your life? Most people haven't. Maybe we should think again.

It also tells me that God looks primarily at the motives for our work. I have a suspicion that if God would have looked upon the tower and looked into the heart of the project team and saw a desire and pursuit to bring God honor rather than themselves He would have said, "Go ahead men, build the most amazing tower that has ever been on the face of the Earth." I suspect that God would have picked up a trowel and some mortar and laid some bricks with these guys. God wants our absolute best and He created us with an ability to perform! Let me be crystal clear that He doesn't value us differently based on our performance, but He longs for us to reach our potential. I have to ask myself this question every single morning as I start my day..."What is my motives for accomplishment today?...I mean REALLY! Who am I doing this thing called life for?"

I encourage you to think it through. If you decide that you want to choose to pursue stardom as the men of Babel it's your prerogative. As for me, I have determined to live it for the one to whom the honor belongs. If you choose the same I'll pick up trowel and some mortar and we'll lay some brick.

just a thought...

Think Again, Kevin...

2006-02-16T01:34:00.000-08:00

OK...so I'm reading through the.... well, I don't like to say reading through the Bible again, because I usually get to about Deuteronomy 20 and give up. So I'm reading through...Genesis, then I'll read through Exodus...then, you get the point. Managable and Attainable goals!

So, I'm reading through Genesis and all these things I've never thought about keep popping up...i'm not sure, but I think that has something to do with the living and active thing. Anyway, The other day I was looking at Chapter 11 of Genesis, the Tower of Babel, and I was puzzled by a challenge of my perception of the story.

I thought I remembered from my big red children's Bible that my little girl Grace now uses that the reason God stopped the "project" by dividing the people by languages was because they were trying to build a tower to heaven. I didn't find that in this passage.

Now, I remembered I was reading in the New King James version so I let my fingers do the walking through several other translations and I found that the original King James did say they were trying to reach (H)eaven with a capital H. However, every other translation I read said they wanted the top to reach into the heavens or into the skies. OK...so this was a paradigm shift for me. My unwavering confidence in the big red Bible of my childhood was in a state of crisis. I learned more from my big red Bible than from anything when it came to spiritual matters since I was raised in a non-churched home until I was a teenager. Now what was I to do to find that my big red Bible had led me astray??? :(

So often we find ourselves in a crisis of belief when a question arises from a trusted source that challenges what we've always held dear to our hearts. How many times in your thought process have you really asked the tough question..."Why do I believe what I believe?" It's hard work to figure it out and so few really take to the task of solidifying their stance on unclear matters of faith. Why go to the trouble? Why take the time and put forth the energy?

I spend a lot of time with college students and I know of not one who is committed to building a future in a particular field of vocation or with a particular person through marriage that does not think it worth whatever effort it takes to learn as much and be as clear as possible in matters that make a difference to them. Is God, faith, belief, etc... as important as those other things that shape us and define who we are to those around us. That's for you to decide!

just a thought...

The Well of Living Water...

2005-10-26T20:13:00.000-07:00

I was at a Leadership conference recently where I was reminded how important water is to our survival. Even as I say that, it really sounds silly, but I’m serious. I forget that without water I am basically dead! Think about it…relinquish our water supply and we have about a week or so. And those 7 days would not be pleasant. So, at this conference there were people handing out bottles of water with a BIG sign that read…”Free Clean Water”. One of the guys walking with me literally tapped me on the arm and said, “I’d like the dirty water please”. He was joking of course, but how silly it sounded to us for someone to promote “CLEAN” water. There was a purpose for the signs and the offer. We were about to hear stories about a people group who does not have clean drinking water and the rate by which those people are dying. DYING!!! Whether it be from thirst or water born disease, there are people dying every day because they do not have “fresh clean water”.

I’ve been thinking a lot about water since that morning. I’ve been reading Bible stories that relate to water. Here are a couple that I’ve found over the past few days.
Psalm 42:1 (NIV)

1 As the deer pants for the water brooks, So my soul pants for You, O God. 2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; When shall I come and appear before God?
And as Jesus was talking to a Samaritan Woman at a well he said: (John 4:14)
If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, 'Give Me a drink,' you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water."
Rev. 22:17 17 "Come!" say the Spirit and the Bride. Whoever hears, echo, "Come!" Is anyone thirsty? Come! All who will, come and drink, Drink freely of the Water of Life!

Can you put your arms around these words?!? Our relationship with God, his Son and the Holy
Spirit is like the relationship of my body to H2O!! I will absolutely die without being filled with the water of life!

So, friend...today I beg you...Drink Deeply From the Well of Living Water! Without it we will dry up and wither away in our Spirit. It's a mystery to say the least...but it's the Truth of the Living God! Drink deeply. Let your spiritual thirst be quenched.
I can't tell you exactly how to drink, for God's spirit works uniquely in every life. But I can tell you that unless you discover God's well of living water for your life, your thirst will never be fulfilled.

just a thought...

Yet another Slippery Slope...

2005-09-24T20:06:00.000-07:00

Thoughts for the week
September 4, 2005

I've heard it all before and I know you have too.

Sin...the slippery slope. Sin will take you farther than you ever wanted to go. There are many more statements that Christians have tagged to sin. Sometimes they sound so much like a cheesy cliche. And that's what they can become for us if we choose not to practice the teaching of people like Paul the Apostle who says, "knowing this, that our old man was crucified with him, that the body of sin might be done away, that so we should no longer be in bondage to sin." Sin becomes much more of an issue for me when I consider the implication of the idea of bondage. So, at risk of sounding legalistic and judgmental, I want to remind you that sin must be abolished in the life of a believer and that it must happen through the power of the Holy Spirit. Spiritual life is meaningless and superficial until we allow God to cleanse us and purify our hearts.
Sometimes the more difficult issue for us can be trying to figure out where sin is in our life. To uncover rebellion against God, we must first understand what that is. Most believers think of sin in terms of outward and visible rebellion. The "public sins" are easy to find, especially in others. I have trouble with the ones that are more deceptive. The one's that disguise themselves as virtues. We must understand that the Bible rarely refers to sin in a plural form. Most instances refer to sin as a nature to rebel against God. The nature is singular. The fruit of that nature is what we refer to as sins. The Bible is much more concerned with the singular nature of sin that the plural acts resulting. If I can allow God to get the singular sin nature under His control, then the "acts of the sinful nature" (Gal. 5:18) are easily transformed into the "Fruit of the Spirit" (Gal. 5:22-23).

So what is sinful nature? It is a desire to be God. A desire to chart our own path, be our own boss and set our own standards. It was Eve's decision to decide for herself what was good or bad. It was Adam's refusal to trust God more than his instinctual desire to please Eve. It is my everyday struggle against self-promotion. It is the drive to do things "my way". It seems so innocent at first, showing up in what appears to be a concern for others. Sometimes we see it in places like prayer requests. "I'm going to request prayer for this person so everyone will know that 'I' know this." It makes it's way deeper into our hearts as we begin to control our own lives and make decisions based on our lofty plans for ourselves. Before we know it we are living a life totally controlled by "me" without much regard at all for what God wants. Most times we don't even recognize it as Godship (allowing myself to be god of my life).
Sometimes late at night, when things are quiet, something tugs at the pants leg of my heart and says quietly, "Kevin, this sin-nature is eating you alive." It's in these times that I go to God and say, "Lord, please save me from myself! I need you. If you don't come and deliver me I will slide deeper and deeper down the slippery slope. This sin will take me farther than I ever want to go." It's in those times that cliches become life rafts for me.

just a thought...