Autumn…

Fall has always been my favorite time of year.

I wonder if everyone loves their birthday month as much as I. Do you?

October is mine. It’s always been a month of promise for me. A new year… an opportunity to put the last behind… hope for the next. That’s always been the story of my October until the last couple years.

The past two Octobers have been ones of brokeness. More in line with the natural autumn and it’s death leading into winter.

This weekend I am preparing my heart for a visit to my dad’s grave site. It’s been almost two years since his accident. His birthday is Sunday and I’m making the trip on Monday. I remember the day he was buried. The dirt that they used to fill the hole was so fresh. As fresh as the pain in my heart. Each time I go it is less noticeable that his burial was recent. As time passes and that dirt begins to look like the grass surrounding it, my heart finds new ways to cope with his absence. Unlike that plot of ground, life will never completely blend in with it’s old identity. I miss him for sure! I never understood it when others said things like this, but not a day goes by that I don’t have some thought of his life here.

The most painful part is that he doesn’t get to see the kids. I thought of him last night when the kids were all decked out in their Halloween costumes. Daniel is his name’s sake. They have the same first name, but both go by their middle. Daniel looks as much like me as I looked like my dad. Therefore, Daniel looks just like my dad. There’s so many times I look into Daniel’s little brown eyes and long for my dad to be able to do the same.

There’s other challenges to autumn these days. As the weather cools I am reminded of the other things that were going on in my life at the time of his death. There was the move from Opelika to Auburn the day after his accident, the thesis I was trying so desparately to finish for my Master’s, the birth of Daniel just 4 weeks following the accident and my fall into despair that kept me on the mat well into March and later.

The pain that accompanied that visit with hopelessness was the kind that doesn’t stop with one person. It seeped slowly out of me into the lives of those around me. I gave up fighting for my heart. When I was young, I won… that’s what I did. I was winning before that too. That was the first time I realized that I was completely helpless. I’ve always been able to fight my way out of any pit and rise victoriously. I just couldn’t do it that Winter… I just couldn’t do it.

I’m still fighting the notion that I’m incapable of victory. It’s a new idea for me. It’s a different way of living… well… it’s a different way of dying.

It’s been two years of winter. I’m tired. I’ve stopped fighting. I’m dead. Just like the Japanese Maple in our yard that shines like a flaming forest fire in the Spring and Fall, but loses every single sign of life each Winter. That’s how I’ve felt for some time.

Do I believe in a Spring. YES! I will fight for it. I will persevere until the first color of green arrives. Hopelessness is Godlessnes. It’s life between the death and resurrection. It’s releasing one’s grip on conviction. I refuse to let it go.

SPRING IS COMING!

The beauty of Spring is knowing that you were dead through Winter! Knowing that apart from the Grace of resurrection you would lie dormant until your roots withered away into oblivion. Knowing that it is not your strength that brings you back to life, but the strength of the ONE who gives life.

A high school friend of mine lost her sister this week. That is yet another comfort during Winter. We know that our experience is mirrored by everyone around us at some point in life. I look to people like Jeremy and Michelle in Alaska who lost 3 children on the same cold dark day a few years back and I know that there’s hope on the other side of Winter!

The Glory of Winter is the unalterable truth that Spring is coming!

I’m so looking forward to my visit with dad, and I’m so dreading it.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. -1 Cor. 12:9-10

I'll never forget the circumstances surrounding this picture. Julie and I were on our 10th anniversary cruise a couple weeks ago. I'm not a fan of beaches and sand. When I vacation, I love to see the people and places. Julie likes to sit on a beach and "veg out." Normally this works because I'll go shoot pictures or see the town while she hangs out in the sand.

Well, a man in his right mind does not leave his lady alone on a beach in the middle of Mexican jungles. This fact led to a mass chaos on our walk down the dusty roads of the city neighboring the cruise ship port of Costa Maya.

You can only imagine the beauty of the walled port if you've been there. There's a pristine swimming pool with a bar that you can swim to. There's an amazing beach lined with coral. And if one ventures outside of the secured port, there's an awesome little town for visitors to explore. The only problem was the heat. It was scorching and my wife is not a fan of the beating sun!

We took a cab into the little city and I spotted these cabins on the way in. I should have asked the cab driver to stop for pictures, but I let him drive 3 or 4 more blocks. That meant an extremely hot and dry walk back when we exited our cute yellow air-conditioned comfort zone. Julie had her eyes on her prize... the pristine azul beaches. After a little head butting on my part, I got my picture and she got her beach!

In the meantime, we saw some little children on their way to school. We were curious and thought the uniforms looked like those from Compassion Intl. through which we sponsor a child. We followed the kids just to find out that they weren't going to school, but on their way home. Several kids entered a single house, so we assumed that was the school. Well as they say, when I assume I'll make an ASS out of U and ME. I tried to ask the lady out front if we could take a peak inside the school room (which, remember, was a private residence) and she just smiled and shook her head not understanding a word I said, but hoping to oblige the stupid white folk for the US dollars they were bringing with them. I thought she was welcoming me in, so with my schoolboy backpack on and my D-300 in hand I tried to pass her just to find another lady blocking the doorway. I asked her if I could peak into the school room and she wasn't quite so welcoming. She body blocked me as I tried to stretch my neck over her shoulder like a curious ostrich looking for some lunch. I then realized that her intense efforts at keeping me out was a signal that we had not found a schoolhouse, but were trying to force our way into a private residence past the resistance of a protective mother of who knows how many!

How humiliating! Defeated and embarrassed at how offensive we white "rich" folks must have been, we headed to the beach where we belonged in the first place!

Moral of the story... Well, I'm not sure, but we should have kept our butt where we belonged.

Whew...

It's been a while since this ole' homeplace has had some action!

And here me sits, another sleepless night in the midst of yet another transition in a life full of transtions... That made little sense because my half-functional brain is half-asleep. Whew... that leaves me with about a quarter of a thinker! You're in for a doozy...

Saturday our first full business venture opens for business. It's the first time in 7 years I've done something besides church work! To be honest, it's quite a relief!

You've probably had the experience before where you get a little tired of being you. That's me! Especially when being you (or me) means that everyone treats you differently because you do church work all the time... I mean, for a living. Well, for once it's been great not being me!

You know, everyone treats me like a normal person now and it's amazing! I can actually talk like a normal person and think like a normal person. And... people listen with normal person ears! It's so good.

You ever wondered how normal the disciples were? Just curious.

So, if you're in Auburn, I'd love to see you come out to the store on Saturday (2212 Frederick Rd in Opelika) and enjoy a cup of coffee with some normal people. It'll be fun.

“The Art of Possibility” by Benjamin and Rosamund Zander

Paradigms.

They stick to us like that glue that comes with packaged toys that you pull off one finger just to find it stuck to another. The more you try to discard it, the more it seems to hang on for its life. That’s how paradigms work, they just don’t want to die or be replaced. Paradigms are necessary storage spaces for our beliefs and attitudes, but they can also blind us and take away promise and hope for something better. When I accept my paradigms as the only way of life, not only I suffer, but also those around me.

Paradigm Shifts.

They are uncomfortable, even painful at times. I hang on to my paradigms because they work for me. They are the canvas upon which I paint my life and I like their colors. I may have a clue that they are unhealthy and damaging, but I do not want to move from my comfort zone to the place of the unknown, so I just live in my paradigms. They are not necessarily world-views and they are not even Biblical. I have simply found a way to make them work for me. I get anxious when someone challenges them, but paradigm shifts can be tremendously liberating if I move from unhealthy to life-giving actions and attitudes.

Jesus.

He was the ultimate paradigm shift. He came to change minds!

The Zanders are certainly not Jesus, by any stretch of the imagination. I’m not even sure if they follow Him. However, they succeeded in shifting my personal paradigms as I read the book they authored called “The Art of Possibility”.

As I read, I was forced to think. Some of their philosophies I sifted out because they were beyond my beliefs about God and people. But most of them began the deep work of shifting the way I live out and experience my world-view and faith, especially regarding other people.

The book is built upon 12 practices. I will briefly review them here and then encourage you to dig deeper by reading the book.

1.) It’s All Invented

How we view life and opportunity is determined by our attitude toward circumstances. Therefore, every opportunity is either stifled or embraced. Therefore, we have the responsibility to “invent” our opportunities.

How to Practice “it’s all invented” (page 15)

Ask
What assumption am I making,
That I’m not aware I’m making,
That gives me what I see?

After you have an answer, Ask
What might I now invent,
That I haven’t yet invented,
That would give me other choices?

2.) Stepping Into a Universe of Possibility

Possibility is a universe we step into when we step out of the universe of the world of measurement.

“Let us suppose, now, that a universe of possibility stretches beyond the world of measurement to include all worlds: infinite, generative, and abundant. Unimpeded on a daily basis by the concern for survival, free from the generalized assumption of scarcity, a person stands in the great space of possibility in a posture of openness, with an unfettered imagination for what can be.” (page 19)

3.) Giving an A

How would people react, respond and perform if we gave them an A up front and allowed them to either live up to the A or reject our early assumption? In a world of measurement, we try to make people earn their grade, but in a world of possibility, we allow them to live into an A+.

4.) Being a Contribution

In a world of possibility… “absent are the familiar measurements of progress. Instead, life is revealed as a place to contribute and we as contributors. Not because we have done a measurable amount of good, but because that is the story we tell.” (page 56)

5.) Leading from Any Chair

Not only are we responsible to lead wherever we find ourselves, but as leaders we are responsible to give others the opportunity to contribute as “silent conductors”. A team is not simply as good as it’s leader, although that is important. A team is as good as it’s silent leaders… those who lead from wherever they find themselves in an organization.

Every leaders should ask himself when most frustrated with the performance of his team, “Who am I being that they are not shining?”

6.) Rule Number 6

Lighten up! We are only here for a short time and why should we spend it refusing to laugh at ourselves? In the midst of tight tension, one of the most powerful things you can do is laugh and make others laugh.

7.) The Way Things Are

“…be present to the way things are. Being present to the way things are is not the same as accepting things as they are in (a) resigned way. It doesn’t mean you should drown out your negative feelings or pretend you like what you really can’t stand. It doesn’t mean you should work to achieve some ‘higher plane of existence’ so you can ‘transcend negativity.’ It simply means, being present without resistance: being present to what is happening and present to your reactions, no matter how intense.” (Page 100)

Why fight with ourselves with what is? It’s OK to hurt and be confused. Rest in it. Do what you have to do to change things, but it is not helpful to live in resigned defeat.

8.) Giving Way to Passion

“If I were to wish for anything I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of what can be, for the eye, which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible. Pleasure disappoints, possibility never. And what wine is so sparkling, what so fragrant, what so intoxicating as possibility?” Soren Kierkegaard quote (page 113)

2 Steps to Giving Way to Passion:
a. Notice where you are holding back, and let go. Release those barriers of self that keep you separate and in control, and let the vital energy of passion surge through you connecting you to all beyond.
b. Participate wholly. Allow yourself to be a channel to shape the stream of passion into a new expression for the world. (page 114)

Zander encourages us to live long lines. Do not be distracted by the cares of the world that lure us from the overall purpose and passion of our lives. As a musician misses the beauty of the long lines of music by trying to perfect every note and harmony, so we miss the purpose of our lives by begin distracted by the little things that nag at us day to day.

9.) Lighting a Spark

Communicating creatively and going out of our way to get our message across is the key to the full involvement of others in our vision.

“Enrollment is the practice of this chapter. Enrolling is not about cajoling, tricking, bargaining, pressuring, or guilt-tripping someone into doing something your way. Enrollment is the art and practice of generating a spark of possibility for others to share.” (page 125)

10.) Being the Board

Emotional involvement blinds. Objectivity illuminates.

Zander encourages us to “rename yourself as the board on which the whole game is being played.” (page 141)

In other words, you are where you are and experiencing what you experience because of what you’ve done. When we use the tactic of blame we close the door to possibility. When I proclaim that situations are the way they are because someone else reacted, responded, or acted the way they did, I lose my power to “steer the situation in another direction, to learn from it, or to put us in good relationship with each other.” Do not close the door by proclaiming blame, but live in the world of possibility by taking responsibility to find a way in which things change for the good.

Develop the habit of emotionally stepping back and evaluating the game that is being played on the game board of your life… be the board.

11.) Frameworks for Possibility

Paint pictures of hope when you are casting vision. Reflect on Martin Luther King, Jr’s speech on the Mall in Washington. King had a dream and he created the framework for the possibility of a better nation. Within the boundaries of that frame he and others gave their life to create the broad strokes of a vision. Later the details were added and a beautiful painting of a nation offering dignity and hope to all men and women emerged from the canvas.

Build the frame and paint the broad strokes and allow others to be enrolled in the vision, so that together a beautiful work of art is created.


12.) Telling the WE Story

“More often than not history is a record of conflict between an US and a THEM. We see this pattern expressed across a broad spectrum: nation to nation, among political parties, between labor and management, and in the most intimate realms of our lives… We have distinguished a new entity that personifies the “togetherness” of you and me and others. This entity, the WE, can be found among any two people, in any community or organization, and it can be thought of, in poetic terms, as a melody running through the people of the earth… The WE appears when, for the moment, we set aside the story of fear, competition, and struggle, and tell its story.”

In what areas of your life… in what social or organizational context… in which relationships are you telling the WE story?


I hope I’ve given you enough to chew on, but not to much to satisfy your appetite. Read the book! Maybe your paradigm, like mine, will be challenged and tweaked to produce a better you and a better them (or should I say a better us) for those people with which you do life together!

Click Here to Buy "The Art of Possibility" and Support HEART alive Collaborative Blog!

Dinner time is a blast in a family of five with three kids 6 and under!

I wouldn't trade it for anything because it's the only time during the day that we are all captivated with one another. Any other time one kid would be here, the other there. The baby may be playing in the toilet, while our oldest reading a book. But at dinner time there is none of that. We are just sitting around a rectangular table looking at one another with no other option than to interact.

And on this particular evening, Grace wanted another "corn on the log."

I know what you are thinking... and yes... she did mean corn on the cob. And yes, we did laugh out loud for quite some time.

How many times has it happened to you. You knew what you wanted to say, but it just came out wrong. How many tears has your wife, or mother, or significant other shed because you said something stupid? Or worse yet, how many times have you said something you really meant, but in your right mind and apart from anger wouldn't have said it to save your life if you knew how bad it would hurt.

Words are some of the most powerful tools in our tool belt to either wound or heal. Yeah, I've heard that about a thousand times too, but how much does it really penetrate our hearts? Have you crossed the divide of refusing to use words that hurt or manipulate and choosing to be a verbal healer? I'm not sure if I have. But, this is what I think may be true: if our hearts were pure and our attitudes were healed, we would not have to cross any divide. We could say exactly what was in our heart and words of healing would come pouring out like the blood and water that flowed from the side of Jesus as he died for us. Just prior to this, some of his last words were "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is the most popular play in the defensive play book of the most wounded and hard-hearted people. Words are meant to heal or hurt. They were uniquely designed by God to transfer what is happening in our hearts and minds to the outside world. It's the only way that the secret place of my inner person can break free into the public place of the outside world.

How closely do your outer words reflect the thoughts and attitudes of your heart? Would you be ashamed to actually speak what you feel? It's an issue of integrity... one of purity. Our words expose us and exposure leads to transformation. A hidden sin has no motivation to become virtue unless it is exposed.

So, I urge you to say what you mean. BUT before you do, to live with a pure heart! Imagine the lack of tension in our relationships if we could actually expose all our attitudes and thoughts simply because we weren't ashamed of them. What if our hearts were healed and our love for people so pure that we didn't have to worry about filtering our words! What freedom! What abundance of life!

Now, go eat a corn on the log and take time to reflect on the thoughts and attitudes of your heart. Then go tell someone how you feel.

I might have to eat two.

Proverbs 28:18: Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Discouragement!

Dis... Courage... ment.

Last week I was experiencing it.

I think it is one of our enemy's favorite tools.

I never understood why discouragement is such a debilitating emotion. I often feel paralyzed when I am discouraged. I never understand why it's always so hard to shift weight from the butt to the feet and thrust pressure downward to rise up off the couch in the midst of discouragement. It just seems almost impossible.

Last week my upper body weighed about 400 pounds in the middle of a bout with the circumstances of life. My wife took off for a walk with the kids. I sat unable... or unwilling, I'm not sure which... to rise and dive back into the rest of my day.

When I found the will to do so, I headed out the front door and into my transporter to be thrust off into another galaxy with unknown obstacles and dangerous objects thrusting toward my heart at the speed of light. I saw Julie walking back toward the house and throttled in her direction to say goodbye. I rolled

down my window and she said...

"Have you got your courage back yet?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked. "If you're dis

-couraged, you just need to get your courage back." she smiled.

It was one of those dangerous objects I was mentioning earlier, but it only had power over my heart to waken it back into the reality that "He that is in us is greater than he that is in the world." It was a laser beam pointed to the head of the enemy instead of the heart of this wounded warrior.

For the first time in my life I realized that the emotion that paralyzes me into uselessness has at it's root a lack of courage to rise up against the battle that rages against the Kingdom.

Since that day, I've found myself discouraged a few times. The first thought passing through my mind is the voice of my precious wife saying, "Have you got your courage back yet?"

“In spite of everything I shall rise again: I will take up my pencil, which I have forsaken in my great discouragement, and I will go on with my drawing” -Vincent Van Gogh

"No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. "Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. Be strong and very courageous."

-God to Joshua when he was tagged as the leader of a nation of rebels and felt incapable of the task of leading them into the promises of God (Joshua 1:5-7)

Our baby boy is afraid of the doorbell...

...along with anything else that is loud enough to hear one room away.

Today I was walking in the front door with my two boys when we returned from the gym. Daniel, the baby, was already in. Gabe, 3 years old, was still making his way in from the car. Gabe stopped to ring the doorbell a couple times and Daniel screamed as if his big toenail was being ripped off. Did he fall and hurt himself? Does he have some kind of internal bleeding? No. He was afraid of the doorbell. The Doorbell.

I've been gripped with fear the past two weeks. We are living in a season of fear and insecurity as a nation, but this fear is much closer to home... like...in it. My wife and I are in our 10th year of marriage and it has been the most difficult to date. We are in a rocky stage in the ministry that I lead. And, as most of the rest of the nation, our family's financial foundation is cracked.

I want to fear. I feel like I should worry. But, every time I take it to God, He just returns peace. Don't get me wrong, my face has broken out (as a 35 year old man!) and my teeth hurt from grinding together at night. But, I just have this calmness deep inside.

The obstacles that feel insurmountable day-to-day are simply "doorbells" to Him. We feel defeated by the terrifying bells ringing in our ears. However, God wants to use the ringing as a tool to teach us how to trust! He wants them to be like sound bytes that remind us that He is at the door... knocking... waiting... like the delivery man bearing the package we've been anticipating for so long.

I looked at Daniel and said, "Dude, it's just the doorbell." Then the echoing of God arose from deep within and said to me, "Dude, it's just the doorbell! Chill out."

I'm going to go open the door. When I look out I will see our scattered patches of daffodils that have opened their sleepy eyes this week excited about turning the corner to find the promise of Spring. And I will remember Who clothes them and Who covers them with vivid shades of yellow. I will remember that if he cares so much for the flowers of the field, how much more must He care for me. I think I will then go step into the beautiful garment of Grace prepared especially for me and remember that I haven't purchased it, but it was freely given, even in my state of unworthiness. Then maybe I'll lay down and rest. When I awake, I will know Him more and fear things less. Yeah, that's what I'll do.

Maybe you should go answer your door.

Just a thought...

Yesterday it snowed... a lot

On a short trip (4 miles) to take my girl to school this morning, we counted 13 snowmen.

13 Snowmen...

I've lived here for 5 1/2 years and it was our second snow.

People go crazy! 1 snowman every 0.3077 miles.

For some time I lived in Colorado. 10 months out of our first year it snowed. 0 snowmen as far as I can remember.

When and why do we lose our sense of wonder over new experiences?

Newlyweds get bored together for the first time...
The miraculous newborn becomes an occasional source of irritation...
A new career feels like the old routine...
Knowing Jesus loses its luster...
Mountains become Molehills...
Art becomes technique...



We are a people infatuated by "New and Improved", just walk your local grocery aisles and you'll see it.

I want to see the glory of "old" and the beauty of "same" that was created by a God with both (Rev. 1:8).

In our culture, the greater miracles are 50 year marriages and 60 minutes with God.

How do you (I really mean you, it's not rhetorical) maintain personal wonder in sameness? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Yesterday I built a snowman.