Saturday, November 1, 2008

Dad's 60th Birthday

Today marked two important events in my relationship with my dad.

1.) It has been exactly one year since I spent time with him.
2.) It was his 60th birthday.

I can’t believe it has almost been a year since his accident! It literally seems like about 3 months.

I decided that I’d travel to Cullman this weekend alone to visit my dad’s grave on his 60th birthday. It was a great time at the cemetery. I sat beside him for about an hour and a half just sharing about what’s been going on, telling him about the kids and affirming him and apologizing for some things. I forgave him today, although I didn’t need to. I know he would feel terrible about all that the accident brought. I apologized for not being as wise as I should about the money he left behind. I cried a lot about him not being able to be here for the kids and about the kids missing out on such an amazing pa-pa.

I miss him so bad.

For his birthday I took a pack of Vantage Lights and a Sprite. I took a few puffs on the cigarette and I have no clue how he smoked those nasty things for so long! It was a little cold and I wanted to do something fun, so I built a little campfire. It was so comforting to sit there beside that little fire! It was almost as if he were there. I really don’t know that he wasn’t... I’m not sure how all that stuff works.

I feel better now. It didn’t ease the pain of missing him, but it sure did resolve some stuff for me.

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